Question

【200分求助】雅思作文批改④。非常感谢。【方便的话可以另存为word文档批改后发到邮箱yasizuowen@163.com

【雅思TASK2 （大作文） 要求字数250】
【题目：In many countries, fossil fuels such as coal, natural gas and crude oil are the main sources of energy while in some other countries, the use of alternative sources of energy such as wind power and solar energy is increasingly encouraged. To what extent do you think this is a positive development?】
【习作正文】【本篇共计300字】
With the flourish of manufacturing industries and the amelioration of living standards, many states are confronted with a severe surge of energy demand. To fulfill that, instead of the fossil fuels, some countries are stimulating the utilization of alterative sources of energy, which are more environment-friendly and low-carbon, such as solar energy, tidal power, geothermal energy, and so forth. As far as I am concerned, this is an applicable and sensible avenue to relief the energy crisis and environment contamination.

Undeniably, since the Industrial Revolution (1750), mankind has depended on fossil fuels, which the electricity mainly generates from. However, say none exaggeratedly, that is the proximate cause of the environmental contamination and the global warming in the recent decades. Moreover, the toxic gas, such as sulphur dioxide and nitrogen oxides, as well as the contaminated water is dreadfully poisonous to human being, flora and fauna.

As an alternative for the conventional energy sources, especially considering the various troubles that brings, the clean energies are playing an increasingly significant role in the modern life and production. For instance, growing hybrid electronic vehicles are chosen by the general population, and more solar roofs are utilized by the manufacturers. Consequently, less contaminating exhaust will be emitted and all the publics are accessed to a better city and better life.

Furthermore, taking a different angle, these alternative sources of energy also create considerable economic benefits. Currently, with the aggravation of the global inflation, crude oil and natural resources prices have remained in high-level, which raise the cost of domestic manufacturing industries, whereas these problems can be solved by encouraging the utilization of the renewable and sustainable alternative sources.

To sum up, from my point of view, the alternative energy sources are the top-priority choice to achieve the win-win situation between the environment and economy.

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方便的话可以另存为word文档批改后发到邮箱yasizuowen@163.com
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希望能有判分、文章评价、

指出语法错误、

指出词汇及词组不恰当处并替换，

指出结构混乱或不合理处，

给出更自然地道的表达法建议。
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（上面的不一定都要有）
非常感谢，追加到200分
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Answer 1

With the flourish of manufacturing industries and the amelioration of living standards, many nations are confronted with a severe surge of energy demand. To meet that demand, instead of fossil fuels, some countries are encouraging the utilization of alterative energy sources, which are more environment-friendly and low-carbon, such as solar energy, tidal power, geothermal energy, and so forth. As far as I am concerned, this is an applicable and sensible avenue to relief the energy crisis and to solve our environment problems.

Undeniably, since the Industrial Revolution (1750), mankind has depended on fossil fuels, where the electricity mainly comes from. However, say not exaggeratedly, that is the proximate cause of the environmental contamination and the global warming in the recent decades. Moreover, toxic gases, such as sulphur dioxide and nitrogen oxides, as well as contaminated water are dreadfully poisonous to human being, flora and fauna.

As an alternative for conventional energy sources, especially considering the various troubles thay bring, clean energy is playing an increasingly significant role in modern life and production. For instance, a growing number of hybrid electric vehicles are chosen by consumers, and more solar panels are instlaled by manufacturers. Consequently, less contaminating exhaust will be emitted and the public will access to better cities and a better life.

Furthermore, from a different angle, these alternative energy sources also create considerable economic benefits. Currently, with the deterioration of the global inflation, crude oil and natural resource prices have remained high, which in turn add cost to domestic manufacturing industries, whereas these problems can be solved by encouraging the utilization of renewable and sustainable alternative energy.

To sum up, from my point of view, alternative energy sources are the top-priority choice to achieve a win-win situation between the environment and the economy.

Note:
电动车叫electric vehicles不是electronic vehicles 电子车

这篇改动的稍多了一些，看看是不是满意，觉得你还是对一些小词的用法掌握的不是很好，还是慢慢体会吧

对以中文为母语的人来说，写成这样，已经不错了

有一些连接词在使用上不必太套那些格式，可以用一些自己的词汇，否则，如果你写出几十篇，估计都会是一个模子的

带有track changes的编辑版本已经发到邮箱，请注意查收

追问

非常感谢，可是邮件里的附件是：llp-102.doc，不是改好的文章哈，可能是上传的时候点错了。可不可以再发一遍，谢谢啦。^^

Answer 2

第一段的LIVING STANDARDS改成单数，第二行， instead of the fossil fuels---把THE去掉；剩下的没看完。。。。。

Answer 3

太难啦，我可没这能力

Answer 4

可以去外国人

Answer 5

可以用在线翻译