Question

请高手帮忙批改雅思作文！请给出修改意见并打分。

Topic: It's generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, under the fast booming society, more and more parents tend to expose their children to various early learning skills to develop their potential. The eagerness of high expectations from parenthood can be understood. However, some people suggest that talented human beings are innate. Others suggest they are taught and trained to be.

For the first opinion holder, I don't totally agree with. Although there remains a different gap among natural human being, talented people could arrive no where without necessary training and practice. They may find themselves easier and faster to grab expertise within their interested field than others. But that doesn't mean they will follow the right track if they give up learning halfway. Thus education is crucial for everybody regardless they are talented or not.
For the second opinion holder, I still disagree. There remains huge discrepancy among society members. Everyone is different. There's no universal standard which can be granted to foster a person's ability. Not everyone in this world can be taught to be a sportsman or musician. The diversity constructs the different allocation of human resources, which allows individual makes contributions to the society according to their interest and ability.

I believe everyone is a masterpiece of mother nature. Anyone born in this world is talented somehow. No universal standard of training shall be imposed on different individual. Everyone needs the proper training and practice to achieve their full potential. No matter how talented a person is, one still needs hard work and diligence to make achievements really happen.

Answer 1

你可以到新东方批改网上提交一下啊，有专业老师给你改的
至今为止，我在批改网上精批大作文一篇，细批大作小作文各一篇~
先说精批~精批确实很精，还有范文什么的，老师也很尽心，由于是我第一篇批改的作文，于是分数很低（正常），经过老师批改后发现了自己的问题。于是第二次提交的细批大作文，分数有所上升（感谢）！第三次，提交的是细批小作文，估计是我小作文毛病比较突出，外教批改出结果惨不忍堵（果然我三次雅思经历5.5是必然的必然的呀！！），现在准备研究小作文去

Answer 2

呵呵哥说实话，自从来美国后从来没接触过雅思了。
不过，这文章确实还不错吧。如果你能在考场写出这样水平，awesome～excellent job哈哈
文章对我个中国人看来，还有一定有模板痕迹的，语法少量不通顺，结构还ok，几个地方觉得用词不够恰当，不过我给你个6.5吧，嘻嘻或许我水平不够。
为什么不找你雅思老师给你改改，face to face，说得更具体点～
要考ielts了吗？目标多少哈

追问

可以具体指点一二么？

Answer 3

作文语句通顺，合情合理，是一篇佳作。
大概打85分左右，也可以打90。