Question

求托福改作文TPO-14独立写作

我好像总是用不上什么难的词汇。而且30分钟也只能写这么长，能得多少分啊。
题目：
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

我的答案：
Personally I strongly disapproved the statement that it is more beneficial for people to traveling in their own country than traveling to foreign countries. We can’t ignore our own culture definitely worth exploring but traveling outside the country is a better choice to experience the culture of the world. My statement will be explained as following reasons.

Usually it is more convenient and economical to travel in people’s own country. Whereas I believe that people can’t always be satisfied with the sightseeing from different cities is so much alike so that they might expect a more challenging trip. For instance, the travel agency is finding it gets harder to meet the customers’ demand is for the reason that people are bored of simply traveling around the country and taking pictures. People set the bar high so that traveling abroad can be a feasible solution.

As the technology and transportation develops increasingly, hardly can a person don’t want to experience the exotic culture to broad their horizon. A totally different place is always inspiring and surprising. Sometimes there’s much more knowledge to achieve in traveling than simply reading books. If you didn’t experience it yourself, you would never learn from the process of traveling.

What’s more, experiencing exotic culture can bring a brand new attitude towards life as the same time it brings cultural shock. What you see and hear during the trip will lead to your deep reflection, fostering your motivation. Even your value of life could be changed and your desire would be light again to pursue the unexpected challenges.

Lead to a conclusion, so many advantages traveling abroad has that it’s hard to limit the steps of people in their own country. It’s not only relaxation but also a lesson that you can teach yourself to bring your life quality to a higher level.

Answer 1

第二段第二、三句结够混乱，第二句is删掉，第三句第二个is删掉。还是用简单清晰点的句吧，套得太累了。还有本应用too...so that ，so....that 的句子你写得有点儿问题。
很多地方说理不够清晰，也就是说上下句思维跳跃太大，可能很难一下觉得有逻辑联系。cohesive方面应该会扣很重。比如set bar high,最好解释一下，人们对旅行中抱有的高期待是啥。是奇特的野生动物，还是颠覆你惯常思维的饮食料理。。？因为这些只有去国外才能更好地体会到颠覆性的差异所以我觉得去国外好。
其实你的英文应该挺好的，但不要不务实。句子很长很复杂不一定老外就懂你的意思。上述语法一旦错了，他们就不明白了。so，简单明了即可。
我感觉这篇文最多不过3分，应该是fair档里面不高的成绩。不懂小分换大分怎么算，见谅。
以上纯个人见解，如有纰漏或冒犯，请见谅哦~
加油吧~ 祝考试成功！