Question

帮我看看这篇托福作文吧，5号就要考试了，谢谢各位大神！

Question: Many people have learned a foreign language in their own country; others have learned a foreign language in the country in which it is spoken. Which is better? Give the advantages of each and support your viewpoint.

Nowadays more and more people get the chance to go aboard for studying,traveling and working,these people will absolutely learn some foreign languages there,and I believe this is the better way for them when compared with the lessons in their owm country.There are 3 explainations below.
First of all,it is wildly recgonized that learning a foreign language requires a large amount of practice.Therefore in the country where local people speak it,millions of chances are provided to practice.In this way,people tend to speak the new language more fluent,so that the new language can soon be very familiar to the freshman.
Secondly,learning a new language is essential for people's life aboard,especilly when dealing with some difficulties.Imaging you are in a country you don't really know,unbelievably you don't have the ability to talk to people around,so who will rescue you when you are in huge trouble alone?Learning a foreigh language just equals learning how to survive.People should learn it and should learn it quickly,too.
Last but no the least,learning a language in the spoken country will benefit you with more friends and more future opportunities.A colleage of my mother lives in the United States,she told me that she was considered a shy and cold person in the first few months,just because she didn't learn much English,and when people around ask her or talk to her,she cannot reply them.Her action was misunderstood by others,and her expression was a whole disaster at that time.Thus learning a foreigh language is one of the most significanct thing.
In conclusion,we can't deny there are many advantages for people to study foreign languages in their own country,but studying aboard is just more efficient and important.People need to seize the opportunity to learn the local language outside their country,it will help them quite a lot during their time aboard.

Answer 1

这篇文章有几个问题，我给你总结一下：
1）字数太少。
全文298个词，但是托福要求写到300词以上，最好达到350.（写一点具体事例就可以了）
2）内容问题
第一个主体段没有具体事例。你最好做一个真实的例子，或者编一个你的朋友XX假期去了一趟美国，回来以后口语有很大的提高。
第二个主体段的例子在我看来说明了学习外语很重要，但是我没看出来为什么在外国学更好。所以这个例子要改一下。
第三个主体段“Thus learning a foreigh language is one of the most significanct thing.”这句话可以看成是对本段的总结，但它突出的还是学习外语很重要。而且你举得例子是你妈有一个同事在美国，别人问她问题她答不出来。可是这和你的段主旨交朋友又有什么关系呢？而且在我看来，你第二段的例子和第三段的例子有点重。

首段尾端我自己写的也不好所以就不评了。

3）我找到了一些错词：explaination应该成explanation（首段）
recgonized ——— recognized（一段）
especilly ——— especially（二段）
colleage ——— colleague（三段）
foreigh ——— foreign （三段）
significanct ——— significant（三段）
4）我是语法痴，所以你的语法我只是给你提一点建议。
第三个主体段，你妈妈同事的事例最好用过去时。
其他语法肯定还有问题，你去找别的高手吧，我无能为力╮(╯▽╰)╭

追问

为什么是298，我在TPO上的字数统计有333啊，是WORD统计不算空格吧，那考试的时候到底算不算空格？
的确例子有点不对，我也觉得第二个理由和第三个有点相似，真是纠结。。。。

追答

我确实是用word数的。TPO上够300就可以了。
如果没有例子可以自己编的，托福不追究真实性，只看你的语言水平。