Question

雅思作文求批改，急~

后天的考试，临时抱佛脚了，麻烦大概说下这篇能拿几分，完全自己写的，木有套模板啊~~~ 要能说下中间的错误就更好了。原谅我木有提前给悬赏，采纳一定给~~~~谢啦~~

Q: More and more people choose to work or study at home because computers are much cheaper nowadays. Is this a positive or negetive trend, and what’s your oponion?

A: An increasingly common issue in many part of the world these days is that people (adults and children) prefer to work or study at home rather than go to offices. In such a case, some people think it is a negetive trend while others believe that it is a positive trend. I agree with the latter oponion.

To those who support work in offices, I would like to point that works and students have to spend time on their way to the office (/school), it is a waste of our time. For example I spent half an hour on my way to the school every day. But I do want use the time to do exercises. School life is tired and boring, students have no time to do sports, especially senior high school students. But if we study at home, we can use the time we used to go to school to do some excises to keep fit. We can also study better if we are healthy.

Another reason why people like to work at home probabelly is that stay at home is more convinient and relaxed. We will not forget bring our homework, document and so on. We can do everything we do at school (/office), even chat with our friends, but we can’t do something, like sleeping a little while when we are really tired at school, because of rules. And I do sure that there must be someone we don’t want to meet in office, such as boss. Work at home can help us aviod meeting them.

In conclusion, although people have to work in office now, but I believe that one day we can work in our own place, and more people would like to work in their home.

Answer 1

To(最好用For) those who support working(work在此应用动名词形式) in offices, I would like to point（指出，point out） that works （workers）and students have to spend time on their way to the office (/school), it（which） is a waste of our（去掉our） time. For example I spent half an hour on my way to the school every day. But I do want（to） use the time to do exercises. School life is tired（tiring） and boring,（however，） students have no time to do sports, （which is）especially（或卜true for） senior high school students. But if we study at home, we can use the time we used to go to school to do some excises to keep fit. We can also(去掉also听起来更通顺) study better if we are healthy.

Another reason why people like to work at home probabelly is （is probably）that stay（staying） at home is more convinient and relaxed. We will not forget bring（忘记带......应该把forget bring 改成leave）衡团陪 our homework, document and so on. We can do everything we do at school (/office), even chat with our friends, but we can’t do something,（改成things） like sleeping（去掉ing，注意和can’t后面的 do保持一致 ） a little while when we are really tired at school, because of rules. And I do sure（ensure或咐蠢 直接把do改成be动词） that there must be someone we don’t want to meet in office, such as boss. Work（working） at home can help us aviod meeting them.

In conclusion, although people have to work in office now, but （去掉but）I believe that one day we can work in our own place, and more people would like to work in their home（homes.）

追问

那大概能拿几分？

追答

我只是帮修改语法方面的问题，分数倒没概念。