Question

请大家帮我改一下雅思小作文。谢谢。

The line chart illustrates the changes in consumption of fish, beef, lamb, chicken in a European country during 1979 an 2004.
According to the graph, beef and lamb had the highest and the second highest consumption in 1979(220 grams and 150 grams respectively). However, they dropped soonly after that and finally decreased to 100 grams and 50 grams. In contrast, the chicken consumed increased dramatically to 250 grams in 2004 from lower than 150 grams in 1979.
In addition, it is obvious that the trend in consumption of fish, lamb, chicken went ups and downs. But the consumption of fish was generally in an average range(around 50 grams). All in all, chicken became the most popular food of those four kinds of foods in this European country in 25 years.
我打完才发现，第二行应该是 1979 and 2004. and 打错了。
然后没有soonly这个词（第四行），改成rapidly吧。

Answer 1

给你提个小建议吧，以后尽量别用illustrate这个词了，用indicate，show都可以，我以前也爱用illustrate，但是美国的外教告我用这个词不好，咱们对这个词的理解和外国人是有差别的。再教你一个开头的漂亮句型：The graph gives details regarding changes in the consumption of fish,chicken,lamb and beef in a particular European country starting from 1979 and until 2004.
这个句子绝对漂亮，外教写的。把细节改动改动你也可以用在其它文章里。

Answer 2

我来试着改下吧，给楼主当个参考

The line chart reveals the tendency of consumption of fish, beef, lamb, and chicken in a European country during the period from 1979 to 2004.
According to the information graph, beef and lamb kept the first and the second positions of consumption in 1979 (220 grams and 150 grams respectively). However, over time, they dropped rapidly until at the bottom line of 100 grams and 50 grams in 2004. In contrast, the composition of chicken increased dramatically, from around 150 grams in 1979 to 250 grams in 2004.
In addition, it shows clearly that the trend of consumption of fish, lamb, and chicken fluctuated between 1979 and 2004. More specifically, the fluctuation of fish was in an average range (around 50 grams). In conclusion, chicken became more popular food than other three kinds in this European country between 1979 and 2004.

Answer 3

高中同桌一彪悍女，夏天穿一裙子，天气热，拿书本从下往裙子里灌风。她：帮我放哨，看有男生偷看没！我：姐，我就是男的啊，斯文点行不？！她：你是男的你有证据吗？ 我：当然有啊，我有的东西你有吗？她：你那东西证据不足。。。证据不足。。。太伤我这颗纯真的心了！