Question

雅思作文批改

topic:Some people think that a high salary is the most important featrue of a job.others believe that things such as training,job satisfaction,working hours,and the opportunity to travel are more important.Discuss both and give your opinion.

my article:Salary is always a heated issue when comes to job hunting,but there has been no exclusive point to it though debated for decades.Some people think that high salary is the only thing they desire while others hold the view that they are likely to consider other features first,such as training,job satisfaction,working hours and opportunity to travel when seeking jobs.
There is no denying that most people consider the quality of jobs by comparing salaries.Salary can tell the good and bad of jobs because it is the most direct way to contribute to your life by money.A report writing by Dr. cooper from SZU shows 70% job hunters prefer to take high paid jobs without thinking about the features of the jobs like working hours and job satisfaction.
Others put forward a view that working is a part of life enjoyment.They barely related their living standard to the salary primarily but more attention is paid to other parts such as job training,job satisfaction,working hours and opportunity to travel which makes their life more flexible and delightful.
In my opinion,high salary is a important aspect when hunting for jobs.However,i attach more importance to job satisfaction and working hours as well as enjoy my life.

求大家修改以及评分，请评分，谢谢！！！

Answer 1

Job, like marriage and child education is considered as an eternal topic discussed by nearly all individuals. And some people believe salary level is the sole determinator in hunting for the job.

They claim the aim of undertaking job is income generation. Although the factors such as training opportunities and personal interest are important, they cannot replace the position of payment level in determining whether to accept the job offers. And it is the action of chassing for the higher payment that is in line with the primary purpose of work. All other factors as they believe can only be valuable when the requirement of high payment is filfulled.

Nevertheless, this view has been challenged. As others believe that job which is considered as the essential component of people's lives cannot be determined solely by the salary level. Some high income earners are currently working under high presures and their healthy condition have become big concerns. And if this situation is continued, some serious problems would be triggered including some serious psychological and physical deseases. Thus, what they believe is all fectors ranging from career development to job satisfaction should be comprehensively taken into consideration for seaking a decent job.

In my view, payment is an important but not the only factor in job seeking. Other factors such as whether the job is in accordance with the personal goal should also be considered. And only by doing it, can we select the most decent jobs for ourselves.

这是我的版本，我觉得大概6分吧。
你第一段可以稍微简单一点，毕竟这只是一个开头。
把主体段落扩充一些。还有就是注意一下语言的简洁

追问

你觉得我应该怎么样提高我的作文水平呢？

追答

我觉得，首先审题很重要，如果答非所问，写的再好也没用。其次语言简洁，不要刻意的套模板或者构造复杂语法结构，尤其在第一段，简单就好。再次，你可以多在网上看看外国人写的文章，看看他们是怎么表达的，他们的行文逻辑是什么，不要看国内机构出的雅思范文，我觉得都很烂。毕竟从宏观的角度看，一篇好的文章肯定是语言简洁，表达明确，逻辑清楚的。只要做到这些就好了。

Answer 2

my article:
Salary is always a heated issue when it comes to job hunting,but there has been no exclusive point to it though debated for decades.Some people think that high salary is the only thing they desire while others hold the view that they are likely to consider other features first,such as training,job satisfaction,working hours and opportunities to travel when seeking jobs.
There is no denying that most people consider the quality of jobs by comparing salaries.Salary can tell whether the job is good or bad because it is simply the direct way money contributes to your life .A report written by Dr. Cooper from SZU shows 70% job hunters prefer to take highly paid jobs without thinking about their features like working hours and job satisfaction.
Others hold the view that working is a part of life enjoyment.They hardly ever relate their living standard to the salary but pay more attention to other parts such as job training,job satisfaction,working hours and opportunities to travel which make their life more flexible and meaningful.
In my opinion,high salary is an important aspect when hunting for jobs is taken into consideration .Therefore,i attach more importance to the satisfaction my job brings and the hours of work that I do apart from enjoying my life to the full.