Question

求一篇英文短篇笑话

摁摁.`帮个忙哈，不要太easy or difficult...单词水平3级左右就行..

Answer 1

Mr Johnson had never been up in an airplane before and he had read a lot about airplane accidents.So one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small plane,Mr J was very worried about acceptong.Finally,his friend persuaded him that it was very safe,and Mr J boarded the plane. His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of airport.Mr J had heard that the most dangerous parts of flight were the take-off and the landing,so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes. After a minute or two he opened them again,looked out of the window of the plane,and said to his friend,"look at those people down there.They look as small as ants,don't they?" "Those are ants,"answeredhis friend."we're still on the ground."

约翰逊先生之前从未坐过飞机，又读了大量飞机失事的报道，所以有一天当朋友请他坐自己的小飞机时他非常害怕，后来朋友劝他说飞行是很安全的，他才登机。朋友发动飞机引擎，飞机在跑道上滑行。约翰逊听说在飞机起飞和降落时是最危险的，所以非常害怕，紧闭双眼。过了一会他睁开眼往外看，对朋友说：“你看下面那些人，他们看起来就像蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”“那些就是蚂蚁，”朋友说，“我们还在地面上。”

Answer 2

周一早上……正在冲泡着浓郁的咖啡，一个有趣的对话发生了…… Daddy？How did I come into this world？ 「爹地，我是怎么来到这世界的？」 Well，my child，someday Ill have to tell you anyway。 「哦，儿子啊，总有一天我会让你知道的。」 So why not today？Please！ 「拜托！为什么今天不行？」 OK，but listen carefully。 「好吧，你仔细听着！」 Mom and Dad met each other in a cybercafe。 「你妈和我在网吧相遇而认识。 In the restroom sof that cybercafe，dad connected to mom。 并在网吧的洗手间你妈和我使用了超级链接。 Mom at that time made some downloads from dads memorystick。 那时你妈从我的随身插硬盘下载一些数据。 When dad finished up loading wed is covered we used no firewall。 当我完成上传时，我们发现我们没有使用防火墙。 Since it was too late to cancel or delete。 因此，想要取消或删除都已为时太晚。 nine months later we ended up with a virus。 就这样，九个月以后我们最终生出一个病毒。]

Answer 3

今天我正在看碟，老妈又捧了本书进来，说道：给我讲讲这几句话什么意思
　　老妈：这个“i don’t know.“是什么意思？
　　我说：“我不知道”
　　老妈：送你上大学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！！
　　我说：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！！
　　老妈：还嘴硬！！！！(一顿爆揍)
　　老妈：你在给我说说这个。“i know.“是什么意思你该知道吧，给我说说。
　　我说：是“我知道“
　　老妈：知道就快说。
　　我说：就是“我知道“
　　老妈：找茬呀你？刚才收拾你收拾的轻了是不？
　　我说：就是我知道呀！
　　老妈：知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂
　　老妈：你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上大学，搞的现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点 东西还跟老娘摆谱，再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我在收拾你，你给我翻译一下“i know but i don’t want to tell you.“是什么意思？
我说:{ 我知道，但我不想告诉你}
　　我晕倒，拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，用头撞墙四十多下，双手轮番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之时，我问老妈：这下你满意吧
　　这不她老人家又来问我了:“儿啊,I am tired of very much not being tired of me.是什么意思啊~?“
　　我：“我很烦,别烦我“
　　老妈：“找打,跟你妈这么说话“(于是被扁)
　　老妈又问：“I have not cleaned up can , moreover primary. 是什么意思啊“
　　我说：“我没听清,再说一次“
　　老妈又说了一遍：I have not cleaned up can , moreover primary“
　　“我没听清，再说一次“
　　结果被扁
　　老妈再问：“Pardon me “又怎么解释呢“
　　我说：“你说什么“(再次被扁)
　　老妈再问：“You look up in a dictionary“是何意啊’
　　我说：“你查字典“
　　“查字典我还问你做甚“(被扁)
　　老妈又问:You ask others best.怎么翻呢“
　　我说：“你最好问别人“
　　老妈：“你是我儿子,我问别人干吗,又找打.“
　 我说：“啊!god save me !“ <上帝救救我>
　　老妈：“耍你老妈玩,上帝也救不了你!(被扁)
　　我再问你：“Think about you are moved thinking hard , still careful,又是什么意思啊!“
　　我说：“你动动脑子,再仔细想想.“
　　老妈：“臭小子,还敢耍我“接着又要动手。
　　我连忙说：“是世上只有妈妈好的意思”
　　老妈：“嗯,这还差不多,一会我给你做好吃的,明天再问你”

　　啊,,god save me（神啊，解救我吧）

Answer 4

The Good News and The Bad News
　　The doctor is talking to a woman in a hospital bed. "I have some good news for you and some bad. First the bad news -- we amputated the wrong leg. Now here is the good news -- we've discovered that your other leg doesn't need to be removed after all."
　　好消息和坏消息
　　医生对躺在病床上的一位妇女说：“我给你带来了好消息，也带来了不好的消息。先告诉你一个不好的消息－我们错截了你的那条好腿。现在我再来告诉你一个好消息，我们发现你的另一条腿没必要截除了。”

The Doctor Knows Better
　　A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead.” said the doctor,
　　Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife.”The doctor knows better than you!"
　　　　　　　　　医生懂得多
　　一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."
　　听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."

The Picture is Half Good and Half Bad
　　 An artist had painted a child holding a basket of fruit. A friend of his, who admired this picture, wishing to show its perfection, said to some persons who were examining it that the fruit appeared so natural that the birds came to peck at it. A countryman, who heard these praises, said: "If this fruit is as well represented as you say, it is not so with the child, since he does not frighten the birds."
毁誉掺半的画
　　 一位艺术家画了张画:一个孩子提着一篮水果.他的朋友很欣赏这幅画,他很想告诉别人这画的美妙之处,就对几个正在细看画的人说,画中的水果画得多么逼真,连鸟都会来啄的. 一个村夫听了这些赞美的话就说:"如果水果画得真像你说的那样好,那么小孩就画得不怎么样了,因为他没有吓住那些鸟."

How to Get a Seat by the Fire
A gentleman came to an inn on a very cold day, and could get no room near the fire.
He called to the hostler to fetch a peck of oysters, and give them to his horse.
"Will your horse eat oysters?” said the hostler.
"Try him,” said the gentleman.
Immediately the people ran to see this wonder, and the gentleman who alone remained in the room, chose the best seat by the fire and made himself comfortable.