Question

求批改雅思作文

题目：剑6test1 task1
The graph gives a breakdown about the usage
of water all over the world while the table illustrates the consumption of
water in Brazil and Congo in 2000.

As we can see from the graph, the amount of
water use in agriculture, industrial use and domestic use constantly increases
during 1900 and 2000. Particularly in terms of agriculture, in 1900 the amount
of water use is only around 500 but it climbs up dramatically to more than 3000
in 2000. However, the increase of industrial use and domestic use is not so
fast as that of agriculture, rising both from a little to more than 1000 and
around 300 respectively.

As for the table, it tells us that water consumption
in Brazil is much higher than that in Congo. Brazil has a population of 176 million
with 26500 km^2 irrigated land where the water consumption per person is 359 m³
while in Congo, both population(5.2 million) and irrigated land(100km^2) as well as the water consumption (8 m³ per person)is
far lower than Brazil.

Overall, as the water use for agricultureis vital, the bigger the irrigated land is, the more water consumption is.

Answer 1

注意小作文的时态问题。 写的还可以。
有些词汇可以替换 如 it tells us it reveals that
学术数据文章少出us之类的。
good luck