Question

谢谢！！急求！！请帮忙英语翻译一下！！

巩：（唱）我喊了一声美
赵：（唱）二杯你肾不亏
巩：（唱）哈哈，还是美
赵：（唱）三杯五杯下了肚
赵：（唱）保证你的小脸呀
巩：怎么样？
赵：（唱）白里透着红啊
巩：ou
赵：（唱）红里透着黑
巩：黑。。。
赵：昂昂，黑不溜啾（巩汉林：昂？）绿了叭叽
巩：eiyou
赵：蓝哇哇的（巩汉林：这什么色啊），紫不溜啾的
巩：hai。。。
赵：（唱）粉嘟噜的透着那么美
巩：哎呀，您可把我吓坏了
赵：（唱）这酒怎么样啊？
巩：（唱）这酒真是美
巩：（唱）啊美呀、啊美呀，美美美美美美美美美——太美啦
巩：aiyou
赵：（唱）其实就是那个二锅头
赵：（唱）兑的白开水
巩：你怎么把实话唱出来了
赵：就这嘴tulu了
巩：你！你应该这么唱！
巩：（唱）你看这道菜，群英荟萃
巩：（唱）要您老八十，一点都不贵
巩：（唱）过来看一看，亲口尝一尝
巩：（唱）吃到嘴里特别的脆
巩：（唱）如果你不相信你尝一块脆不脆
赵：（唱）我吃了一块嚼在嘴里
赵：（唱）确实它有点脆
巩：（唱）为什么这么脆？
赵：（唱）为什么这么脆？
巩：（唱）我现在问问你
赵：我、我。。。
巩：它为什么这么脆
巩：它怎么就这么脆
赵：（唱）它就是一盘大萝卜！
巩：又把实话说出来了！
赵：（抓起电话）您了都听清楚了？
巩：嘿！跟谁讲话那？
赵：物价局！
巩：eiyou，甭打算开张了
赵：打算开张，我给你个秘方
巩：aiyou，快说ai（金珠同期声）
赵：拿笔来！
巩：啊，笔墨伺候着！
巩：eiyou ，拿笔来拿笔来，老人家老人家
（赵丽蓉龙飞凤舞中）
巩：ahihai，好，haihai
巩：啊，走——
巩：啊，走——
巩：好！heihei——
巩：hehe，货真价实——你！你这是什么意思？
赵：连啥意思都不懂，你真是棒槌（锤）！
巩：嘿，她说咱俩是棒槌（锤）
巩：你这老太。。。
巩：我的天nei
赵：走四方，那路（巩汉林：你——）迢迢、水长长，迷迷茫茫一村又一庄
赵：走四方————

Answer 1

GONG: (singing) I shouted out of the U.S.
Zhao: (singing) 2 cup your kidneys no loss
GONG: (singing). He, or the United States
Zhao: (singing) three glasses of five cups under the belly
Zhao: (singing) ensure that your Xiaolian ah
GONG: how kind 》
Zhao: (singing), white-ah Touzhao
GONG: ou
Zhao: (singing) in the red and Touzhao
GONG: black. . .
Zhao: Angang, and not wandering jiu (Gong Hanlin: Ngong 》) Green of the Baji
GONG: eiyou
Zhao: Blue wah-wah (Gong Hanlin: What color ah), purple is not the wandering jiu
GONG: hai. . .
Zhao: (singing) powder Dulu that the United States and the Touzhao
GONG: Oops, you can be scared me
Zhao: (singing) how this kind of liquor ah 》
GONG: (singing) This wine is the United States
GONG: (singing) US-ah ah, ah, ah United States, the United States, the United States and the United States the United States, the United States and the United States the United States, the United States and the United States - the United States too啦
GONG: aiyou
Zhao: (singing) is the fact that Er Guotou
Zhao: (singing) against the water
GONG: how do you tell the truth to come out singing
Zhao: on the mouth of the tulu
Gong: You! So you should sing!
GONG: (singing) You see Zhedao Cai, Qunying MultiManager
GONG: (singing) to your old 80, is not your
GONG: (singing) up to see himself Chang Yichang
GONG: (singing) to eat their mouths special brittle
GONG: (singing) if you do not believe you do not try a crisp brittle
Zhao: (singing) I eat a piece of chewing in the mouth
Zhao: (singing) It is a bit brittle
GONG: (singing) Why do so brittle 》
Zhao: (singing) Why do so brittle 》
GONG: (singing) I now ask you
Zhao: I, I. . .
GONG: why is it so brittle
Gong: It how the so brittle
Zhao: (singing) It is a big carrot!
GONG: Shihua Shui out again!
Zhao: (start with phone) you heard a clear 》
GONG: Hey! Useful speech that 》
Zhao: Wu Jiaju!
GONG: eiyou, intends to open a Beng
Zhao: intend to open, I will give you a secret
GONG: aiyou, said fast ai (Kim Tong Qisheng)
Zhao: Nabi!
GONG: ah, a pen and ink serve!
GONG: eiyou, Nabi to Nabi, the elderly elderly
(Zhao Lirong Longfeifengwu)
GONG: ahihai, good, haihai
GONG: ah, walk --
GONG: ah, walk --
GONG:! heihei --
GONG: hehe, genuine - you! What does this mean you 》
Zhao: even span all means do not know, you really Bangchui (hammer)!
GONG: Hey, she said Zanlia is Bangchui (hammer)
Gong: You have this Laotai. . .
Gong: My days nei
Zhao: follow the Quartet, the road (Gong Hanlin: You -) remote, water long, Mimi vast one another Zhuang village
Zhao: follow the Quartet ----

勉强用一下吧，呵呵····
不是太专业！

Answer 2

我晕,这个问题,没点英语功底的绝对翻译不出来,我没那么厉害,闪