Question

雅思作文跪求大神修改！求打分！（请勿用批改软件）

Some countries have introduced laws to limit the working hours of employees. Why do you think such laws have been introduced? Is this a positive or a negative change?

There are lots of laws to regulate the behaviors of employers, and one significant part of these laws is about employees. The increase number of countries has passed the laws to restrict the working hours of employees.
The reasons for this situation are various. In order to pursuit the higher profit, companies tend to make full use of their staff. And the most common method is to extend the working time, for the most time, without increasing the salaries. In terms of the workers, this is an issue of human right. However, at the most, those ordinary workers have no finance support or energy to fight against their employers. As a result, when bosses see the benefit of doing this, they are more likely to further their activity, finally, forming a vicious spiral. Thus, if there is no regulation, the employees are hard to defend their basic rights, and at the same time, those bosses can gain the conscienceless money. To meet the need of a fair and health society, a law has to be introduced.
As far I am concerned, this transform is necessary and positive. This law can help to build an awareness of protecting the labor rights in the public’s mind. Besides, under this law, if the companies want employees do more tasks, they have to pay for workers extra work. Then people can get higher income. All of the changes the law brings enhance the working environment and living standard of the workers. And in long run, the laws in this aspect should further be perfected.

Answer 1

也就六分吧，虽然内容还好，用词还算可以，但是逻辑性不强，论点论据论证阐述不明确。
好好整理一下逻辑结构，和用一些提分的单词，分数可能会达到6分以上。 (再有仔细点 e.g. pay for workers extra work）

Answer 2

好，90有些语句不连贯