求大神批改雅思 10 test1大作文，谢谢
As most habits and characteristics are formatted at early ages of people, cultivating the ability to distinguish right and wrong when they are young is vital. If young children cannot tell the difference between right and wrong, they are much more likely to become people who are not sensitive to ethical and legal problems. In that case, the possibility of these people disobeying the law and ethical rules in t future will be higher than those children under well-education.
Punishment gives children a more profound impression of their mistakes which can prevent them from repeating mistakes. Sometimes, mild persuades show indistinct education-effects on awareness of children, because they cannot realize the seriousness of fault when attitudes of teachers and parents are vague. Therefore, although punishment can be strict or cruel, it will be well-worthy compared to irredeemable outcomes if children make the same mistakes in the future.
Punishment should be meaningful and limited. Abusing physical punishment may cause mental problems even at cross purpose, children will not be afraid of making mistakes in the end. Punishment should help children realize their fault from the root and be sorry internally. When children fight for something instead of sharing, parents and teachers can confiscate what they want; When children speak rude words, they can be asked to copy praises many times. These sorts of punishment not only protect children’s feelings but also make them realize the adverse influence of their behavior.
In conclusion, children should be told the difference between right and wrong at an early age, meaningful punishment is helpful to strengthen their awareness. 展开
1.第一句at an early age应后置到句尾，原因是作时间状语比作后置定语更合适。本段最后一句中的behavior应改成manners,请注意manners是可以被teach的，但behavior不行！
2.第二段第一句at early ages of people改成at an early age，紧跟着后半句改成形式主语句it is vital to cultivate…。下一句people要么改成people as adults要么干脆改成adults以便与children相对应，要知道children也属于people范畴。
3.第二段最后一句people与后面的children不对等，而且people应该用所有格形式people's. 建议将possibility of these people…rules in the future will…改成the possibility of disobeying…rules in the future for these children will…；最后的children under well-education要么改成children under good education，要么改成well-educated children.
4.第三段第一句of后面要加一个关键的短语the consequence of；而which引导的限制性定语从句要改成非限制性定语从句，而且句尾的mistakes前要加the。
5. 没看懂第二句的意思，必要时请在“追问追答”里说明。下一句compared to后面有两处要加the：to之后与children之前。
6. Abusing…这一句前半部分由于是状语从句，应该有一个类似as或because的词引导。下一句中children前加the.
7. 下一句sharing后面要加上it；confiscate这个词用得太大而且不当（其意思是to take temporary possession of as a security, by a legal authority！），不如用通俗的take hold of更好。下一句中如果praises是指同一种赞美言辞，使用the same praises会更好。
8. 本段最后一句feelings可以使用更具体一些的self-respect，而influence用consequence也许更好。
9. 最后一段是一句话，故最后一个逗号后要用and、whereas之类的连词连接；最后的awareness of what应说清楚。
第三段第二句我是想说，有的时候，温柔的劝说并不能对儿童的意识起到明显的教育作用，因为老师和家长的态度比较模糊，所以他们往往意识不到问题的严重性
这样的话，persuades应改成persuasions，awareness应改成conciousness
