Question

雅思作文求批改，最好能给个分数，谢谢

题目：
Asglobal trade increases, many goods, including some daily goods, are exported toother countries. Such goods are usually transported over long distances duringshipping. Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?
正文：

As global businessbecomes an inevitable part of modern commerce, people skeptical argue of itsworthiness.This essay will discuss both its advantages and disadvantages thengive my own opinion.

Undoubtedly, wegain much benefits from global commerce, as no single country ,under moderncircumstance, can produce all sorts of goods. Actually, some products are acore competitiveness of a certain company or a country, therefore, other countriesmay never copy it but just consume through global trade, such as Apple’s Iphoneor AirBus’s aircraft. Among the benefits of enjoying such imported goodsthrough global trade is the diversity in commodities.What is more ,transporting goods from its origin to a destination would make considerable jobopportunities, which could be a good solution to domestic unemployment anddevelop national economy to some extent. It is imperative that the frequency of tradenecessitates more transportation facilities such as ships, planes and cars.Futhermore, facilities in order to guarantee fulfillment of a trade need to beconstructed, thus, it is certainly a promotion to nations infrastructuredevelopment.

Nevertheless, defectsof global trade should not be ignored. In terms of transportation, is it worth deliveringsuch goods from that far?Long distance transportation means a plenty ofpetroleum consumption which will later lead to scarcity of resources.As manykinds of the products exported are of low-technology, it will be an emmensesacrifice for nations as natural resources will dwindle and terrible pollutionof the environment by factories will emerge if there are no environmentalprotection methods.

My conclusion isthat exportation as an aspectof global trade is indispensable nowadays. Statesshould advocate manufactures to produce more high added value products asexported goods .Only in this way, can a country share a flourishing globaltrade and indeed benefit from it.

Answer 1

雅思作文一定要客观 所以类似于my opinion 或者 I will discuss。。。之类的话绝对不能说 还有单词间注意空格。。 我大概看了一下 高级词很多 如果不是自己查了词典的话那真的很厉害 但是语法很多问题 比如说没有more high只有higher的说法 还有 is it worth 这明显不能应用肯定句吧 又不是倒装。。。还有句型变化不多 我发现你很爱用it is...that...其实你可以改一改 用分词做伴随状态。。。如果打分的话 看在词汇的份上 勉强可以打个6分吧 不过我不是英语老师 我的意见只是给你参考一下 我劝你找个英语老师给你好好改改 网上提问的话 也没个准啊

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is it worth疑问句

more high-added-value products

作文原本写在word里的，贴在知道里以后格式貌似出问题了……谢谢你的意见

Answer 2

这个是谷歌直接翻译的？还是自己写得。为什么我觉得按照语法看很多地方都有点奇怪。。或者是我孤陋寡闻了？

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请指出谢谢

Answer 3

应该20分吧

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……满分是9

追答

应该7分吧