Question

高分!!急!!!请高手帮忙对我的英语作文修改和提意见!!!!!!!

作文如下:
The best color stands for the Olympics
Well, in this lively summer, the magnificent sunshine has brought the breath of the Beijing 2008 Olympics. In my mind, it is the symbol of the Olympics to be golden.
Athletes trained diligently and tried their best to win. Chinese athletes really did a great job, so this year China won the first prize at the gate of our homeland. We could hear the crowd cheered and see tears falling from their eyes as they went up receive the prize. They who were standing on the stage as if were emitting a golden light. The medals confirmed their effort. Those hearts working hard to strive and to struggle of theirs are golden. They were the most persevering people.
Besides the competition between countries, friendship is shown completely. The Olympics was a crossing as well as people from all over the world were passerby. There were a lot of people passing Beijing every day, including the Asians, the Europeans, the old, the young and so on. Here joined all corners of the country. An invisible bridge was built between hearts and hearts. Friendship comes first and competition second. The world is full of atmosphere of harmony. The friendship is golden. Let people feel incomparable warmth.
Exactly, goldenness represents the success after working hard and the atmosphere of getting along with each other in a friendly way between countries. The successful 2008 Olympics are built by people from all over the world with wholehearted. It is beautiful because of its abundant intension. The golden Olympics will send out the bright forever as the magnificent sunshine in my heart.
急用吖..各位大哥大姐帮忙啦

Answer 1

哈哈，是奥运啊？我是我们市的2006年奥运演讲第一哦！我可以帮你训练语音语调，作文嘛...好吧！
我对你作文的第一感觉，有很多词语是查出来的，不是自己真的会的。还有很多细节要改啊！语法不过硬！唉，有点麻烦...
文章很语言繁琐，有意在装饰语言，可是基础不够，很累赘
抱歉，要删除一些你认为是很好的东西了。
太中文化了，Chinglish很重。有些比喻在中文中可以，但是在英文中就不行，英文的比喻需要超强的语言基础。去读莎士比亚吧，他的一些东西英国人都看不懂。该简化的就简化，英语不是语文，英语里面的漂亮句子和语文中的就不是一会事。要删的太多啦。
你的文章的优点就是在结构还比较清晰，你的语文肯定不错，试图用很多比喻，你本人的优点就是在用心推敲了这篇文章。可是，你还需要加油哦！
我毫不留情地将你的文章改得体无完肤了，抱歉，希望能帮助你！
本人水平有限，仅供参考。
The color of the Olympics
The magnificent sunshine of 2008 brought us a new Beijing;the gentle breeze in the summer of Beijing presented the world a golden Olympics.

It is beyond doubt that Chinese athletes really did an excellent job.I am proud of that we Chinese conquered a new peak in the field of sport. The first medal count with 51 gold medals is the achievement we obtained. Cheers in the Bird's Nest are still ringing in our ears; the golden light of the champions are continuing shining. However, we should not only appreciate the success, but also admire the pain and perspiration hidden behind the gold. It is our athletes' dedication that brought us the glory. While we are enjoying the home victory, we should remember that they are the most to be praised and respected! The colour of gold showed China!
In addition to the competition between countries, the friendship between them also impressed us a lot. The Olympics is a great party that appears people all around the world.Wherever they are from, whatever language they speak, they are welcome to Beijing. Thanks to the Olymipcs and Beijing, an invisible bridge called friendship was built between hearts. The friendship is golden, which is always shining around the world.
In my opinion, gold represents the success with perspiration and dedication. It also stands for a worldwide friendship.The successful Olympic Games are the fruit of all the members living in the global village. It is the greatest gift for the whole human beings. Beijing was gold this summer, and the 2008 Olympic Games will continue flashing golden light forever in my heart.

改完之后还是觉得不满意.我修改你的作文必须按照你的思路走，有些词语我真的不想保留，可是我全跟你改了你岂不要杀了我？总之改完后还是觉得很不爽。我很恶毒吧？现在已经体无完肤了，我已经留情了，呵呵。
要是需要帮助，发纸条给我。
好累啊！

Answer 2

In the lively summer, bright sunshine lightened up Beijing's sky, symbolizing
the golden success of this year's Beijing Summer Olympics Games. All atheletes
trained diligently for years, hoping to win gold medals at the Olympics.
This year, Chinese athletes performed exceptionally well,
winning the most gold medals for China in front of the cheering home crowd.

We could hear the crowd cheering and see tears running down the athletes' faces
when they walked up to the podium to receive medals. At that moment, they were
the shining gold stars on the stage. Years of hard work were finally paid off.
The medals were the best rewards for them. The perseverances and dedications that
these atheletes displayed are truly admirable.

The Olympics is not only about competitions but more importantly about friendship. It's a
grand family gathering of people from all over the world, different nationalities, young and old.
The Olympics created the golden opportunity for everyone to put aside the differences, join together for the friendly competitions, make new friends and celebrate hard earned winning. It helped to build a strong bond between hearts and hearts.

The color of gold represents the atheletes' hard-worked successes, friendship and love
shared by people all over the world. This year's Beijing Olympics would not be a great
success without joint efforts and whole-hearted support from people around the world.
It undoubtedly will be one of the most memorable and golden games of our lifetime.

Answer 3

用词要准一点
要生动形象啊