Question

请高手帮忙改下我的雅思作文

再下由于14号就考试了，苦于雅思作文无人指点，希望高手们帮忙看下，我将感激不尽
题目： Students are under increasing stress in their studies. Some people think this is a positive development. To what extent do you agree?
文章：
In present-day society, students are suffering more stress from their studies. At the same time, whether the stress is positive for the development of students has sparked much debate. Some people assert that students can benefit from increasing pressure. Speaking for myself, I think this view is overly simplistic.

On the one hand, putting overly more stress on studies is detrimental to the physical and psychological health of students. To start with, students are easy to have psychological disease due to the heavy stress. Specifically, students have no time to relax or communicate with their friends, which leads them to become lonely and have a host of psychological problems. Moreover, it is the stress that students tend to be in unhealthy condition. This is due to the fact that the increasingly school work make student get insufficient sports outside the door. Lastly, many students feel boring with the pressure. In other words, a great number of students choose to give up their studies rather than continue owing to the big pressure.

On the other hand, the stress is motivation of study. Obviously, students make much more efforts under the pressure. Even so, students are not from their willingness. For instance, many students study hard, thereby avoiding to the punishments.

In summary, I would admit that the pressure afford help to students in their studies. Despite that, there are more negative effects on students. Overall, I am convinced that we should reduce their stress on their studies.

Answer 1

4 段的可以了 第一人称词用的太多 这是ACCADEMIC的作文 你这么写分不高的，能不用第一人称就不要用
23段比列失衡
2段中心句是说心里和身体问题 所以你只要说2点就可以了不要LASTLY了
最后一段最近提下压力的好处 然后转折
（个人喜欢写等分）

Answer 2

写5段式吧 你开头写多用出彩的句式并且立论
2，3段正面论述
4段反面论述并且反驳
5段结尾