Question

帮我修改一下我的英语作文

近年来，西方节日纷纷登陆我国，越来越受到年轻人的青睐。这种现象引起了人们的某种担忧。某英语报就“Shall western holidays be celebrated in China?”为题征文，请你根据上面的材料写一篇征文稿。
要求：简要描述这种现象，阐述你个人的观点。
注意：1、文章的开头已写好。
2、词数：100—120（文章的题目和开头已给出，不计词数）
Shall western holidays be celebrated in China?
I think we shall celebrate westen holidays in China.With the development of economic,china is becoming more and more international.Different kinds of cultures are crashed in this historic nation.Nowadays,more and more young people like to enjoy the western holidays.Many experts are worried about this phenomenon.They think we will lose our own cultures.However,the experts can’t be always right.As the old saying goes, gold can't be pure and man can't be perfect.They ignore that the whole earth has been connected to a Global Village.All
the culture will be Intersect naturally.As we all know,it’s a Irreversible tendency that nobody can change it.
As far as I’m concerned,all the people should do the real self.If you want to have a western holiday,you can have it with your close friends.Don’t care about what the other people will comment on you,such as the experts. Every day is a new day.All you need to do is to be yourself !

Answer 1

整体来说是篇不错的作文，用词也不错，只是感觉稍微有点不完美，一般来说这种性质的作文要先交代写作的背景和趋势，也就是你的第一段，但不要急于直接说出你的观点，即不要开头就说“I think”，第二段可以说人们就这一现象的不同观点、看法，“Some people think,while oters,,,”，第三段就要陈述你自己的观点了，即“As far as I’m concerned”之后的内容，以此总结就可以了O(∩_∩)O，还有一个小问题就是，最后一段中的“Don’t care about what the other people ”应去掉“the”。。。