Question

帮忙修改英语作文~~谢谢

批改网批的，说我学术词汇少，很多地方不会改
希望有高人能改的高端一点
An Interview with My Classmate

In my English class, it is an honor for me to know the girl, Xuyan Wu, sitting beside me. So now I am glad to introduce her to all of you.
My first impression of her is her characters. She is easy to get along with, who always smiles when talking. It is her beautiful smile that attracts me, and because of this, I made up my mind to make friends with her.
After further knowing about her, I find we have a lot of hobbies in common. She was born in shangha, who is the same age as me. She majors in design and she tells me that her goal is to become a designer. She loves watching TV series, and so do I.
We both like watching the British play, such as Silk and Sense and Sensibility. And Sherlock is our favorite play. Of course, we do like watching movies, especially the movie who has handsome men.
Meanwhile, we both like reading. But our tastes are a little different. She likes romantic books while the exciting books appeal to me more. She says reading is a good way to relax and reading can help her to consider the confusion in normal life.
What's more, traveling is both what we want to do. She wants to go to the north Europe to see the aurora and go to the South Pole to see the penguins.
I am extremely happy to make friends with her. In the depths of my heart I hope we can be good friends forever and I will pray for her that she can makeher dream come true.

Answer 1

注意你的问题是你把你本身写的句子翻成中文都不是很通，第一段精缩，重新排序：It is an honor for me to introduce the girl who sits beside me in my English class, Wu xuyan.
第二段，我的第一印象是她 的性格，这话其实逻辑不对，中文勉强过关，英文里是错句。I was impressed by her characteristics at first place(或at the very beginning, 或 initially). 第二句的从句来的莫名其妙，没有必要：She has an extrovert personality and always wears a shining smile, （一个and，就表示了在解释之前的点，不用从句）which attracted me. Naturally, we became friends.(与其交朋友不是一个big deal，还犯不上make your mind)
第三段逻辑有些乱，我不知道她来自上海、学设计跟“我们有共同兴趣爱好”有什么必然联系，如果你是想说我们都来自上海，都学设计，有一样梦想，那就先别说hobby，然后这样写：As knowing her more, I found that we have a lot in common, not only because we are both from Shanghai and were born in the same year, but also because we both major in design and are ambitious in being a successful designer one day.
注意，the British play是特指某一部英剧。应该是 We both love watching British plays, such as "Silk" and "Sense and Sensibility", （注意双引号代替中文的书名号，用于分开不同的作品名，不然非常confusing）and Sherlock series are our favorite. 然后这里别用of course，没有逻辑。We also enjoy watching the same type of movies which include handsome actors. (movies 不能用 who，没有生命的东西要用which)
接下来你要介绍不同，而不是相同，就应该另起一段，否则非常乱。

We both like reading. My taste, however, is a bit of different from hers. She loves romantic books while exciting ones (这样改依然不妥，exciting不是一个类别，写英语文章要在逻辑道理上让西方人认可，你应确定是武侠还是战争类还是什么)are more appealing to me.(appeal to 也对，很不错，你知道这个). She alsos has a wise comment about reading: It's a good way to relax which at the sametime helps me eliminate the confusion in real life.（consider the confusion我不知道是什么意思，没有这个用法，猜你是想说解疑释惑吧。normal这个词不要乱用，这么解释吧，它的反义词，abnormal，是畸形的意思，明白了吗，如果生活中没有动乱、残疾之类的，一般不至于用normal来形容一个事物，“现实生活”用real life）

Moreover,好吧， 对不起没看到这里有what' more, 被我用掉了，就用moreover。we are both so drawn to travelling. She hankers for going up the Northern Europe for seeing the aurora and playing with penguins in the South Pole.这一段有点尴尬，你们都爱旅游，但你不介绍自己喜欢什么样的旅游，只写了她的而没写你的。 你可以加一句但我们向往的目的地不同到中间but we have different dreaming destinations ， 再在后面加上你想去的地方，有关想去，被吸引有很多词组可用，这里给你几个：be drawn to(我刚用了）, ache to do（想死了要做）, desire for doing, have been dreaming of doing, long(不是长，是渴望，动词） for doing 等等。

最后一段第一句没问题。但in the depth of my heart 是心灵深处，很文学，也很“深”，不如用from my truest heart, 然后就是少用forever，典型的中国英语，多用always，可以加上in my lifetime。pray是祈祷，有点过了，就是I wish her dreams come true!

好好学，还不错。