雅思作文求批改--大学宿舍和外边租房
题目：Studentsofuniversitiesoftenhaveachoicetolive.Theymaychoosetoliveinuniversitydomita...
题目：Students of universities often have a choice to live.They may choose to live in university domitaries,or they may choose to live in apartments in the community.Compare advantages of living in university housing with the advantages of living in an apartment in community.Where would you prefer to live?
这是扬帆的雅思作文题库中担任一个题目。我准备考G类，目标分数是7分，希望高手指出文章的语法，结构，说理方面的问题。
At most universities there are a variety of housing options for students to choose from.Two of the most common are university domitaries and off-campus apartments.Each of these options has its unique features,so students should make their decision carefully.
The most obvious advatage living in domitary is that students can use learning facilities,such as library, classroom and computer lab, conveniently since those buildings,along with domitaries,are built on campus.In addition,living in domitary means living with other peer students on a room,therefore it is comparably safer for students to live with their congeners than to live with somebody from different backgrounds.An survey conducetd by Beijing University China shows clearly that most of respondent students claim that living in domitary is the best option in terms of safety.
Admittedly,there are also many unique features that apartment have alluring many students.Firstly,it is inevitable for those who choose off-campus accommdation to live with somebody with various backgrounds,as a result,students have opportunity getting along with these people and communicating with them.Thus students' social experience is improved and their horizen is enlarged.Besides,living far from university campus and their family,students have to learn how to arrange their study and personal life properly,for example,they have to cook or wash clothes by themselves.By contrast,those living in domitary could simply avoid these problems by eating in campus refectory or calling for domitary laundry services.
From what have been discussed above,a balanced view can be concluded.It is reasonable to say both university domitaries and off-campus apartments are necessary to students because students have their own personal preference regarding to where to live. 展开
这是扬帆的雅思作文题库中担任一个题目。我准备考G类，目标分数是7分，希望高手指出文章的语法，结构，说理方面的问题。
At most universities there are a variety of housing options for students to choose from.Two of the most common are university domitaries and off-campus apartments.Each of these options has its unique features,so students should make their decision carefully.
The most obvious advatage living in domitary is that students can use learning facilities,such as library, classroom and computer lab, conveniently since those buildings,along with domitaries,are built on campus.In addition,living in domitary means living with other peer students on a room,therefore it is comparably safer for students to live with their congeners than to live with somebody from different backgrounds.An survey conducetd by Beijing University China shows clearly that most of respondent students claim that living in domitary is the best option in terms of safety.
Admittedly,there are also many unique features that apartment have alluring many students.Firstly,it is inevitable for those who choose off-campus accommdation to live with somebody with various backgrounds,as a result,students have opportunity getting along with these people and communicating with them.Thus students' social experience is improved and their horizen is enlarged.Besides,living far from university campus and their family,students have to learn how to arrange their study and personal life properly,for example,they have to cook or wash clothes by themselves.By contrast,those living in domitary could simply avoid these problems by eating in campus refectory or calling for domitary laundry services.
From what have been discussed above,a balanced view can be concluded.It is reasonable to say both university domitaries and off-campus apartments are necessary to students because students have their own personal preference regarding to where to live. 展开
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略加修改，提点自己的意见：
In most of the universities there are a variety of housing options for students to choose. University dormitories and off-campus apartments are two of the most common choices. Each of these options has its unique features, it is necessary for students to make their decisions wisely（从全文看这里跟careful没关系吧，只是自己的选择要符合自己的个性）.
The most obvious advantage living in dormitory is that students can use learning facilities, such as library, classroom and computer lab conveniently since those buildings, along with dormitories, are built on campus. Furthermore, living in dormitory means living with other peer students. It is comparably safer for students to live with their congeners than to live with stranger. A survey conducted by Beijing University shows clearly that most of respondent students claim that living in dormitory is the best option in terms of safety. (Convenience in using facilities & safety consideration)可以多elaborate一点，in campus的好处如果只是这么一点的话，那么in campus 和off campus 的对比不够强烈，而且很vague。vague argument 不好得分的。
Admittedly, there are also many unique features that apartment have alluring many students. Firstly, it is inevitable for those who choose off-campus accommodation to live with somebody with various backgrounds, as a result, students have more opportunities getting along with these people and communicating with them. Thus students' social experience can be improved and their horizon is enlarged. (Besides, living far from university campus and their family, students has to learn how to arrange their study and personal life properly. For example, they have to wash clothes or cook by themselves instead of simply avoid these problems by eating in campus refectory or calling for dormitory laundry services as what those living in dormitory do.)这个argument跟前面的构不成对比，并不是其特有的一个特征。在这篇文章的context下没有实际意义，不妨换成自由空间与体验社会相关的例子，凸显住在校外的独特优势。Off campus的第一个argument很好。
From what have been discussed above, a balanced view can be concluded. Since they have their own personal preference regarding to where to live， it is reasonable to say both university dormitories and off-campus apartments are fitting for them.
如果在考场上可以有这样的表现的话，拿个6分应该没问题。要注意的是单词拼写，错误很多。语言习惯什么的还是有很强的中国式英语残留，介词使用不到位，单词使用不是太准确。expression有一些难以理解，我按照我自己的理解做了修改，如果有违原来的表达意思就无视吧。注意使用合适的argument，elaboration要到位，只是点一下的话还不如不要这个argument。这篇文章有点短，起码要多写100词的样子。G类的作文还是挺重要的，注意自己写作中对于移民的独特看法，千篇一律的看法要引不起考官兴趣，要悲剧。最好练习的时候要有时间限制，营造一种考场的气氛。考场上的发挥基本要比平时练习差。我今年年初考A类作文，只拿了6.5分，总结经验应该归罪于第一篇文章时间太长，导致第二篇没有足够的时间构造argument和elaborate，最后balance也是比较仓促。time management很重要。
In most of the universities there are a variety of housing options for students to choose. University dormitories and off-campus apartments are two of the most common choices. Each of these options has its unique features, it is necessary for students to make their decisions wisely（从全文看这里跟careful没关系吧，只是自己的选择要符合自己的个性）.
The most obvious advantage living in dormitory is that students can use learning facilities, such as library, classroom and computer lab conveniently since those buildings, along with dormitories, are built on campus. Furthermore, living in dormitory means living with other peer students. It is comparably safer for students to live with their congeners than to live with stranger. A survey conducted by Beijing University shows clearly that most of respondent students claim that living in dormitory is the best option in terms of safety. (Convenience in using facilities & safety consideration)可以多elaborate一点，in campus的好处如果只是这么一点的话，那么in campus 和off campus 的对比不够强烈，而且很vague。vague argument 不好得分的。
Admittedly, there are also many unique features that apartment have alluring many students. Firstly, it is inevitable for those who choose off-campus accommodation to live with somebody with various backgrounds, as a result, students have more opportunities getting along with these people and communicating with them. Thus students' social experience can be improved and their horizon is enlarged. (Besides, living far from university campus and their family, students has to learn how to arrange their study and personal life properly. For example, they have to wash clothes or cook by themselves instead of simply avoid these problems by eating in campus refectory or calling for dormitory laundry services as what those living in dormitory do.)这个argument跟前面的构不成对比，并不是其特有的一个特征。在这篇文章的context下没有实际意义，不妨换成自由空间与体验社会相关的例子，凸显住在校外的独特优势。Off campus的第一个argument很好。
From what have been discussed above, a balanced view can be concluded. Since they have their own personal preference regarding to where to live， it is reasonable to say both university dormitories and off-campus apartments are fitting for them.
如果在考场上可以有这样的表现的话，拿个6分应该没问题。要注意的是单词拼写，错误很多。语言习惯什么的还是有很强的中国式英语残留，介词使用不到位，单词使用不是太准确。expression有一些难以理解，我按照我自己的理解做了修改，如果有违原来的表达意思就无视吧。注意使用合适的argument，elaboration要到位，只是点一下的话还不如不要这个argument。这篇文章有点短，起码要多写100词的样子。G类的作文还是挺重要的，注意自己写作中对于移民的独特看法，千篇一律的看法要引不起考官兴趣，要悲剧。最好练习的时候要有时间限制，营造一种考场的气氛。考场上的发挥基本要比平时练习差。我今年年初考A类作文，只拿了6.5分，总结经验应该归罪于第一篇文章时间太长，导致第二篇没有足够的时间构造argument和elaborate，最后balance也是比较仓促。time management很重要。
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