Question

高手帮忙批改一下托福独立作文~~TAT写得很差。。求改良意见。

1.people attend college or university for many reasons.why do you thimk people attend college or university?

college or university is the place that we can get higher education.we can learn new konwledge ,have chances to practise and make a lot of friends.it is really a perfect experience in our life.that's why so many people make great efforts to attend a good college or university.
first of all,people want to get their career preparation.in the college or university,people can learn more professional knowledge of their career.there are different kinds of major and each major has their own courses.these courses make more pointed reference,unlike in high school we just learn some basic subjects.people choose what they need and what they can use in the future to learn.in addition,college or university provides oppotunities of internship.people practice in the company they may want to go in the future for some time.it's a good chance to improve their ability and to increase their experience.
secondly,people attend college or university to broaden their konledge.some people learn new things for their interests.they enrich their daily life by learning what they like.some people would rather learn something helpful to them.they may use these in their work or in daily life.for instance,if a man want to be an elite in commerce,learning psycology will give him great assist.moreover,knowledge makes people become sensible and considerate.its necessity lead to the great number of people who attend college or university.
another advantage to attending college or university is that people can communicate with others at the same age.they make friends with each other,help each other and ask questions in study.they also compete with each other,learn from each other and debate on the comflicts.so they can promote themsleves in many ways.in another words,they learn how to cooperate with others,which maybe important.of course,entertainment is equally important.college or university life is hard but also joyful.going out to have a picnic or playing ball games with friends will be exciting in after school time.
there are varieties of reasons that people atted collge or university.all above are my opinion.nowadays,the competition in the world become more and more serious.as a result,education become an critical aspect,especially college or university education.

Answer 1

College or university is the place where we can get higher education, where we gain more konwledge, have more chances to practice(?不明白，什么practice，还有，注意用美式拼写。) and make friends with people from different backgrounds. Thus, attending a college or a university, in my opinion,is some kind of valuable experience in one's(注意不要用第一人称来写，尽量用第三人称，第二人称是最不可以接受的。) life.(不需要说人们很努力进入大学学习。)

First of all, people go（不要用want，题目问的就是go） to get prepared for their careers. In a college or a university, people have more access to professional knowledge of (尽量不要用of这种定语形式，感觉在美国人眼里这样子会犯错。)their career.There（注意代词的指代是否明确） are different kinds of major and each major has their own courses.these courses make more pointed reference,unlike in high school we just learn some basic subjects.

总的来说，语法错误有，语言表达不是很连贯，感觉是高中生写的文章，因为英式英语的用法在里面感觉有点多，呵呵，不知道猜测的对不对。oppotunities of internship可以直接说成 internship oppotunities或者是oppotunities for internship之类的我就不提出来了。表达能力有些欠缺。平时可以多看些英语文章。思路已经有了，看的出来是准备过的，上过辅导班或者研究过范文的～～在基础上要下些功夫，像单复数之类的语法错误在托福作文里就有点说不过去了～～