Question

雅思作文批改：希望高手能帮忙修改一下，最好能给个合理的分数，谢谢

topic: Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old . Others believe that it is important for children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?

内容：
Currently , more and more people prefer their children to attend school when they are pretty young . I ,indeed, do believe that there are a multitude of strengths to their physical and mental well—being .

First of all , a vast number of great educational resources such as well—trained teachers and specialized facilities are offered within schools , which may expend their outlook and gain knowledge more scientifically. Specifically, these teachers can motivate them to develop their interest and specialty and help them build self-esteem since young. Therefore, children not only relax their bodies and ease minds ,but also there will be a strong basement for learning in the future .Maybe they can attain more excellent academic performance than others who stay always at home.
In addition to this, children can learn how to cooperate with others .For instance, as a individual of students who come from different areas sometimes is difficult to complete a mission teachers arrange to them. Therefore, they need comminute with others and finish it together. Moreover, at least to define, keeping students at school when he was a child ,folks actually relieve more or less burdens so that they have enough time to deal with living or work of their own.
Although there are so many advantages for children, excessive schooling may lower freedom which a child should have been had . If they are arranged most time to attend school even not a little freedom ,he may get a contrary result .
To sum up ,going to school early make great contribution in enhancing the development of students ,but a proper form must be outlined .In another word, although their children need time for themselves ，parents can keep their children at kidgardon for adapting to formal schooling in advance .
注意：希望懂雅思的人高手来，不懂雅思的就不要凑热闹了！ 最好仔细修改一下，我给的悬赏也不算少哦
五楼的高手，我知道你说的很有道理，可是你能给我具体修改一下吗？

Answer 1

我觉得5.5到6分之间吧。整体框架，论述和语法没有大的问题，措词也没有单调，算是一篇还不错的文章，只是有的小细节，如单三和长些的定语从句前后可能主语不一致和指代不明，这些是你写完后要细心检查的。还有，写作和口语是我们中国考生的普遍弱项，前者是因为思维方式的差异，我们以为写的不错的文章往往得分不高，建议你可以多看看考官写的例文（有的复习材料中就有），从中获取些思路。最后祝你考试顺利啊～

Answer 2

topic: Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old . Others believe that it is important for children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from a young age?

内容：
Currently , more and more people prefer their children to attend school when they are pretty young . I ,indeed, do believe that there are a multitude of strengths to their physical and mental well—being .

First of all , a vast number of great educational resources such as well—trained teachers and specialized facilities are offered within schools , which may expend their outlook and gain knowledge more scientifically. Specifically, these teachers can motivate them to develop their interest and specialty and help them build self-esteem since young. Therefore, children not only relax their bodies and ease minds ,but also there will be a strong basement for learning in the future .Maybe they can attain more excellent academic performance than others who stay always at home.
In addition to this, children can learn how to cooperate with others .For instance, as a individual of students who come from different areas sometimes is difficult to complete a mission teachers arrange to them. Therefore, they need comminute with others and finish it together. Moreover, at least to define, keeping students at school when he was a child ,folks actually relieve more or less burdens so that they have enough time to deal with living or work of their own.
Although there are so many advantages for children, excessive schooling may lower freedom which a child should have been had . If they are arranged most time to attend school even not a little freedom ,he may get a contrary result .
To sum up ,going to school early make great contribution in enhancing the development of students ,but a proper form must be outlined .In another word, although their children need time for themselves ，parents can keep their children at kidgardon for adapting to formal schooling in advance .

Answer 3

有些地方用词怪怪的 不知道是不是没有深究用法就把一些查到的词拿来用了呢。。。最后一句是kindergarten吧 写错了？
我觉得差不多就是6了
还是建议你在网上买个在线批改作文的吧。。。我的都是找英语老师改的。。。

Answer 4

lz啊，你的作文可能要重新写才行啊，基本上我只能猜你的意思，很多语法与用词都不对。希望Lz好好加油吧~

Answer 5

你可以到“新东方批改网”上提交一下，那里有外籍老师帮你批改，并且能给你一个合理的分数