Question

这月底考雅思 求该作文part two 顺便给个分吧 千恩万谢

In modern society, fashion has been becoming more popular in people's daily lives. What are the causes of this phenomenon? Do you think it is a positive development or a negative development?

With economy speeding up in the modern society, fashion is playing a more important role in people’s daily life. Many argue that fashion is a waste of time and money that should be spent on some more meaningful aspects. However, the constant population of fashion itself proves itself valuable and positive.
Under-developed countries give no allowance to fashion, in which areas people are facing famine, coldness and lacking of residence. Fashion only rises quickly along with the industrialization and modernization, which gives people enough fulfillments in material enjoyment. Therefore, people set up to go after fashion to satisfy their spirit. Furthermore, the young generation contributes to the population of fashion. Practically, they were born in a peace and wealthy world to some degrees, which allows them to pay more attention to appearance.
There is no doubt the fashion has the potential to bring great advances for humankind. Firstly, fashion is a symbol of wealth and peace. Most cruel conflicts throughout the world arise from the abusive behavior aiming at limited resources. It is unlikely that a person who has fulfilled his spirit with fashion can hurt his counterparts to get some substance he has already had. Secondly, despite that some fashion advocate showing the shape of body, most fashions are casual and comfortable, such as Tees and shorts. Furthermore, some clothing is so soft that it is very easy to wash, which is definitely a piece of good news to the households.
Finally, the fashion industry provides the society with loads of positions and opportunities which contributes a lot to the stability and the welfare, which releases the stress of government to some degrees.
Not only can the fashion gives people the enjoyment of beauty, but also it accelerates the pace of development. So existence means reasonable, fashion proves itself a positive trend to the society.

Answer 1

6.5分。
TR：总体上回应了主题，但是阐述的不够深入和集中，思辨不够；
CC：段落层次分明，句子之间有连贯，但是连接痕迹有过度之处。
LX：词汇运用较为丰富，且基本运用准确，能合理表达自己观点。
GRA：语法错误较少，句式运用较为丰富。