Question

雅思大作文求批改！！高分~~~

说实话本人作文很差~ 第一次考作文5.5只有
这个是下午刚写的。能不能麻烦考过雅思的或者雅思高手帮忙看下。大概能有多少分呢？然后错误以及意见呢？？？真诚求助啊~~~~

题目Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poor nations.however, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibilities for helping the poorer nations in such area.
Agree or disagree?
作文如下：
In present day, the problems of poverty become an obstacle to the development of poor countries in the world. It is significant to improve the development of health, education and trade in the nations with poverty. However, there has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether the wealthy nations should take more obligations to assist the impoverished nations in such areas. In these assay, I will compare and contrast two typical opinions regarding this issue.

Some people tend to think that the deprived nations should ease poverty depend on themselves instead of begging for well-off nations' help such like poverty alleviation even if those actions can relieve poverty in a short term. Specifically, improvements in health, education and trade play an essential role in development of needy nations as following reasons. At first, improvement in health can benefit citizen's life and also contribute to social stability. Secondly, it is meaningful for fostering talent and national culture with long-term advantages by paying much more attention to the improvements in education. Last but not the least, trade, one of the crucial part of economic growth,can promote the economic cooperations in the world that can contribute to solving the problems of poverty.

Admittedly,the governments of richer nations should take the responsibilities for helping the poorer nations in such areas. The reason for this is that the developed countries have the advantages of economic ability to fund the poor nations. Additionally, to keep the duties of helping the poor also obey the moral standards. Even so , richer nations could not always help the poorer countries in every aspect. Only those needy nations could stand on their own feet can they have the long-term development.

Overall, I would concede that the governments of richer countries should take more responsibilities for assisting the poorer countries. Despite that ,the deprived countries should give priority to improvements in health, education and trade.
囧 第一个词打错啦 in the present age,,,,,,,

Answer 1

雅思大作文求批改！！高分~~~

女人结婚之前必看内容！
小MM你好，
我的经历值得每位妹妹认真看一下，有许多经验教训。
每个女人都会有一些感情上纠结的事。
说下我的经历，对你可能会有借鉴意义。我在一次酒后失身了，那个男人不是我喜欢的，后来遇到一位非常喜欢我的男孩，但是他很传统。结果在第一次的时候因为我没见红，就和我分道扬镳了，我很郁闷，但也很无奈。
后来我在网上查找解决方法时，看到了一次性的人造chu女膜，说能百分百见红的，就买了回来，结果一测试，发现那个血色太假了，也没有敢用，在网上一查，发现许多MM买这个都上当了，很少有成功的。我还查阅了修复手术，发现有负作用，也不能确保见红，就没有去做。
后来幸好遇到一位这方面的咨询师，在她帮助下，我顺利过了这一关，老公对我非常好。
男人对这方面其实是很重视的，建议不要承认，承认了他的压力会很大，如果他过不了这一关，肯定会分手的。

如果有需要你可以加莫莫咨询师扣扣，前三位是{六}{4}{一}
，中间三位是{陆}{2}{零}
，最后三位是{柒扒}{八}
，她会指导你过这关的，她已经指导多位妹妹成功了。
如果你感觉我回答的不错，请选为最佳，谢谢你，最后祝你成功，早日摆脱纠结。
祝愿所有妹妹幸福一生，拥有自己的真爱。

Answer 2

亲爱的同学 第一句就有错误 是at present day， 后面那句结构冗长 杂乱。 全文结构是明晰的，但是部分短语词汇的用法欠妥。有待提高啊。我给分5