Question

托福大作文求修改+估分

Do you agree or disagree with the following statementThe purpose of television should be all educative, not entertain. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion

When it comes to the issue of the purpose of television, the majority of people will hold an opinion that all the TV programs should focus on educating the public. However, even if watching TV is an excellent way to obtain knowledge, it does not mean every program is supposed to be educative but not entertain.
First, entertaining programs are more interesting and attractive so that they can gain a higher audience rating. There is no doubt that people's main objective to watch TV is to get relaxation, therefore they will be willing to watch those programs that can bring them more joy and laughter but not those which merely teach a tedious class to them. For instance, our city's TV station produced a scientific program last year in order to make access for our residents to learn scientific knowledge. However, it just lasted for 2 months before it was canceled because only 2 percent of our city's inhabitants had watched that program. Individuals are always only interested in familiar stuff, thus they do not care about those events that have little connections with their daily lives. On the other hand, as a major public media, TV programs are supposed to meet the majority of people’s needs and interests.
In addition, some entertaining programs are also able to teach people lots of lessons. Musical programs can not only help people to refresh their minds from long-time brain work, but also allow them to perceive the world from a different perspective by introducing various music, and potentially expanding their horizons. Besides, some sports games deliver a high spirit of sports, which will have a positive influence on people's minds. For example, many people watched this year's men's single final of Australian tennis Championships, between the world's best two players Nadal and Djokovic. During this 353-minute of struggle, both two players were exhausted but neither of them gave up. These athletes' amazing persistence shocked all the audience and encouraged them to bravely face the obstacles in their own lives.
Finally, it will cost more money and time for the TV station to make an educative program. The producers have to spend a huge number of RMBs on inviting famous professors to give lectures or buying educational resources, such as history documentaries and, because of their rarity, these materials are always expensive. What is more, for the sake of guaranteeing the precision andaccuracy of these academic information, programs makers must pay more attention to check and examine them. On the contray, it will not cost too much to make a entertaining program. For instance, in many popular talent shows, common people will be given the opportunities to reveal their art-related skills thus the organizers don’t have to steer funds at inviting professional singers. There is no need for them to do more preparations for the show at the same time because performers will prepare the instruments, buy costumes and make up by themselves.
字太多结尾贴不上来~~！ 反正结尾不是很重要就算了吧

Answer 1

的确写得非常好，流俐畅通，很少破绽，若要评分，最低限度亦有 8 out of 10。以下是我找只能出的少毛病:

第一个: entertain 应该是adj entertaining。
第二个: Opinion 跟在examples後面应该是复数Opinions。
第三个: a tedious class 应改为 a tedious course。
第四个: both two players 重复了，可以去掉 two。
最後: bravely 要放在obstacles的後面或lives的後面。

我也赞同一楼网友的说法，文章是好，却非全面，本人居英几十年，不知中国的广播现状，但英国电视有很丰富的教育节目，娱乐节目不能学到的东西，教育电视应有尽有，拍摄手法亦很高明，含娱乐性极高，如动物奇观或史前恐龙世界都非常精彩，引人入胜，很有观看价值，也具甚高的教育性。所以不能把教育电视当垃圾对待的，请原谅太过直言，并望对你有助。

Answer 2

楼主的文章写的很好，连贯流利，表达很自然，观点很明确充分~下面是我的建议哈~
第六行;rating等级 换成rate 比例。
第八行：teach a tedious class to them。teach宾语一般是人，
所以改为：teach them a tedious course

从文章观点上看。楼主完全是一边倒了：认为娱乐节目是万能的，没有任何缺点。而教育节目则一无是处，处处不是。很明显这样的观点是不太对的。楼主应该辩证对比的来看待问题，将两者的优缺点都描述一下，然后再综合对比，这样或许会好些。
当然只是个人意见哈~说的不对的地方请原谅。我也没考过托福，所以打分就不懂了哈。

希望能对你有所帮助~
你们的采纳是我们回答的动力~谢谢支持哈~

Answer 3

个人感觉托福作文模板痕迹不能太重..所以我纠结啊..马上考了

Answer 4

jobless rate可换为unemployment rate It may provide a various kinds of 查看作文题目 3 通览作文冰雨反馈区做简单评语 4 逐行批改作文，指出并修改

Answer 5

我是改不出来了，文章写得相当不错。整篇很有逻辑性，单词也多样化，6分的话我会给你5+