Question

请帮我批改一下雅思作文，谢谢！下周就要参加考试了~

Today, people can work and live almost anywhere they
want to because of the progress of communication technology and transport. Do
you think that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Currently,burgeoning telecommunication continues to consolidate its status as an
increasingly significant role in daily contacts of modern life. Individuals
tend to consider that almost every place is available for them to live and work
due to the convenience brought by advanced communication technology and a wide
array of means of transport.

Admittedly, a multitude of individuals are the beneficiary of modern contact technology and transport. For one thing, individuals can lead a happy life by surfing online to cope with numerous things, such as learning, shopping, searching for
necessary information and even fulfilling business transaction, etc., via a
variety of electronic equipments that have access to the Internet. Meanwhile,
because of the effective e-commerce and interaction online, more transport
costs would be saved. For another, in this day and age, since transport systems
are advancing at a staggering rate in terms of travel efficiency and position
availability, a better option has been provided for us, which means that we can
stay anywhere only if we are pleased. Moreover, we could constantly leave for
our destinations without too much hesitation and spare undue uncertainties of
complicated travel schedules and travel-induced wasted time in this globe
village.

However, as a matter of fact, living and working on a casual basis actually causes more alienation between us and our families, and companions as well. Specifically,
progressive contact technology is best characterized by non-face-to-face
communication. Even the passionate voice from our friends and patents is
conveyed trough lines. We create an invisible barrier that impedes our touching
and feeling the warmth coming from our dears. That may be somewhat cruel to
some extent in this case.

In conclusion,advanced technologies have definitely facilitated our daily lives.
Notwithstanding that, we had better not ignore the importance of strengthening
family bonds and getting well along with our friends. Because touching makescontribution to love, and love is genuine life.

Answer 1

Don't you think that our life become more convenient than before? Nowadays people in China can work and travel almost anywhere they want because of the nation's economic prosperity and the progress in technology, transportation and communication.

Modern science and technology contribute to our life. And China's transportation system has been improved constantly since the Reform. The effective e-commerce and interaction online help to save more transportation costs. So travelling is becoming easy and common to us.

With the electronic equipments' access to the Internet, We can search for necessary information and cope with numerous things, like learning, shopping, and even fulfilling business transaction, etc.

Specifically, the traditional face-to face communication has being changed. We can even receive the passionate voice and warm smiles of our friends and family through the lines and the cell phones. Some people can even attack others through the network with the invisible barrier.

As a matter of fact, our life and work are getting casual somehow, which may cause more alienation to our family and friends. We should keep in our mind that our family and friendship are precious although the advanced technology has definitely facilitated our daily life.

你的作文里，重点都涉及到了，但是，语言不太顺畅，有点混乱，参考一下我改动之后的吧。