英语作文修改 20
In contemporary society, the issue of what
can TV brings to children touches off a flurry of controversy and debate. As we
all know, no invention has received more praise and abuse than TV. Some smile
on that TV can bring children not only some specific things like knowledge, but
also some specific things such as happy, positiveness. While some frown at it,
claiming that TV is a thing affects people negatively. On the balance, my favor
goes to the latter with the reasons I will detail below.
Firstly, it do harm to our eyes. According
to a recent survey, 70%children get shortsightedness per year. Not hard to
imagine that the major cause linked to TV.
A scientific research has proved that
watching TV 2hours a day will lead to shortsightedness in 6months. Take my
brother for example. Tom, a 10-year-old boy, need to wear glasses this year.
Although it is hard to imagine that he spends more that 3 hours on his
cartoons, I bet many kids has the same behavior as him.
In
view of the seriousness of this problem, effective measures should be taken before
things get worse. I think teachers are supposed to encourage students to reading
more books, because reading books in a proper way will not do harm to our eyes.
Secondly,
we cannot avoid kids watching TV series or movies that concludes violence. A
psychologist indicates that the violent contents in the TVs are a majority
reason linked to teenager crimination. It is not difficult for us to find some
teenagers fight with others or drug in news. For instance, I have seen an
interview linked to one student in our community took drugs for more than 3
years. In the interview, he said he wanted to take drugs because of a TV series
about it. He was so sorry and regret that cried in the interview. As you can
see, TV has such bad influences on children. Thus, this issue has caused wide public
concern.
In final
analysis, we can draw the conclusion that TV affects us negatively both in mentally
and physically. We should spare no effort to endeavor in TV problem. Considering the common phenomenon, I strongly agreethat TV brings us some negative effects. 展开
1.1 In contemporary society, the issue of whatcan TV brings to children touches off a flurry of controversy and debate.
[教师点评]
[拼写错误] whatcan 拼写错误，可替换选项为：what can, what-can, Vatican
[学习提示] 易混词汇: bring, carry, take, fetch, get, convey, transport 均有“带，拿，取”之意。
bring: 指从某处把人或物带到或拿到说话者所在的地点，强调方向，不着重方式。
carry: 指把物品从一个地方带到另一个地方，不涉及方向，只强调方式。
take: 指从说话人或说话人心目中所在处把某人或某物带离开，带到离说话者有一定距离的地方，与bring的方向正相反，侧重方向，不着重方式。
fetch: 指一往一返，相当于go and bring，去取了东西或带人再返回到出发处。
get: 口语用词，与fetch基本同义，语气随便。
convey: 指通过中间人传递信息，或以某种方式把人或物送到目的地。
transport: 指使用车辆或机械设备把人或货物从一处运载到另一处。
1.2 As weall know, no invention has received more praise and abuse than TV.
[教师点评]
[拼写错误] weall 拼写错误，可替换选项为：we all, we-all, Wall
[低频警示] more praise and abuse 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
[学习提示] 易混词汇: accept, receive, admit, take 均有“接受，接纳”之意。
accept: 强调主动地或自愿地接受，或者说，经过考虑后同意接受。
receive: 着重仅仅接到或收到这一支轮船或事实，而不含采取主动或积极行动的意思。
admit: 作“接受”讲时，强调准许或批准。
take: 与receive同意，是receive的日常用法，侧重不带主观意愿地收下或接受。[批改提示] know近义表达有cognize/ recognize/ realize/ foreknow
[批改提示] praise的近义表达有compliment。
1.3 Some smileon that TV can bring children not only some specific things like knowledge, butalso some specific things such as happy, positiveness.
[教师点评]
[句子错误] 本句语法不规范，请检查！
[词语错误] 表达不规范，some+名词单数不规范，建议修改。
[拼写错误] smileon 拼写错误，可替换选项为：smile on, smile-on, smiling
[拼写错误] butalso 拼写错误，可替换选项为：but also, but-also, Beatles
[学习提示] 易混词汇: favourable, fortunate, happy, lucky 都可表示“有利的，好运的，顺利的”之意
favourable: 普通用词，指预示从良好的结果中能得到明显好处，有利于达到目的。
fortunate: 指目前已存在的成功或有利情况，或指因好运或机会带来的成功和喜悦。
happy: 侧重指不是通过某种机会，而是凭借鉴另和选择手段而得到利益与好处。有时也指偶然得到的好处，但强调的是有利的结果。
lucky: 多指偶然机遇中的有利或幸运情况。
1.4 While some frown at it, claiming that TV is a thing affects people negatively.
[教师点评]
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 affect...people 在教材中出现过 1341 次
SeeAlso: involve people1382,move people851,touch people389,strike people332,impress people214,regard people78,impact people55[学习提示] 易混词汇: affect, influence, impress 均含“影响”之意。
affect: 作主语通常是物而不是人，指一物对另一物产生的消极影响。
influence: 侧重在思想、性格、行为等方面所产生的潜移默化的影响，也可指自然力的影响。
impress: 强调影响既深刻又持久。[批改提示] people表示“人，民族”。注意与person的区别。详情点击
1.5 On the balance, my favorgoes to the latter with the reasons I will detail below.
[教师点评]
[动词错误] 语法错误，建议将will+名词改为will+动词原形。
[拼写错误] favorgoes 拼写错误，可替换选项为：favor goes, favor-goes, forgoes
[低频警示] the latter with the reasons 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
[学习提示] 易混词汇: remainder, surplus, rest, remains, balance 均含“剩余部分”之意。
remainder: 含义较广，可指数学运算中的余数，也指从整体取走或用掉部分后的所余部分，或一群人走掉一部分剩下的人。
surplus: 指超过需要数量之外的剩余。
rest: 最普通用词与定冠词连用，指任何指定数量的人或物等。
remains: 常指人或动物死后的遗体或遗骨，也指古代文明的遗迹或去世作家尚未发表的遗稿。
balance: 指支取存款的余额或减去各种开支后的尾数。[句子警示] 本句时态和其他句子时态不一致
1.6 Firstly, it do harm to our eyes.
[教师点评]
[句子错误] 主谓不一致，建议将it do改为it does。
[动词错误] 建议句中, it后面的动词用单数形式
[学习提示] 易混词汇: hurt, injure, wound, harm, damage, disable 均有“损害，伤害”之意。
hurt: 普通用词，较口语化，侧重指给有生命的东西造成机体上或精神、感情上的或轻或重的伤害。
injure: 较hurt正式，多用于有生命的事物。既可指伤害别人的事物。即可指伤害别人的健康、外貌、自尊心、名誉等，又可指使别人受伤或东西受损，同时含有受伤害部分至少暂时丧失功能的意味。
wound: 专指对身体的重伤，尤指在战斗中受的伤，强调外部创伤；也可指精神方面的伤害。
harm: 主要用于有生命的东西，语气略强于injure，指引起严重的痛苦和损伤；有时也用于抽象事物，指造成任何不良后果。
damage: 通常指对无生命物体的损害，并有降低其价值，破坏其功能等的后果。
disable: 强调使伤残。
1.7 Accordingto a recent survey, 70%children get shortsightedness per year.
[教师点评]
[低频警示] get...shortsightedness 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
[学习提示] 易混词汇: modern, contemporary, current, recent, present, up-to-date 均有“现代的，当代的”之意。
modern: 指现代或近代，时期可长可短。也可指新颖、时髦的。
contemporary: 仅指当今这个时代，不涉及任何过去的时代。但可表示不同的人或物存在于同一时代。
current: 指目前存在和发生的。
recent: 表示新近的，最近的，时间的长短依据所修饰的人或物而定。
present: 是这些词中语气最强的一个。指现在正发生、起作用的。
up-to-date: 一般用于非正式场合，指很时新、能反映当前的最新发展。
1.8 Not hard toimagine that the major cause linked to TV.
[教师点评]
[拼写错误] toimagine 拼写错误，可替换选项为：to imagine, to-imagine, imagine
[学习提示] 易混词汇: difficult, hard 均有“困难”之意。
difficult: 比hard较为正式，侧重需要特别的能力、智力、判断力、技巧或勇气才能克服障碍。也可指深奥或抽象的难题。
hard: 含义广，通俗用词，与easy相对，泛指任何难理解，不好处理或不易做的事。[教师点评] cause表示“原因，理由”。注意与reason的区别。详情点击
1.9 A scientific research has proved thatwatching TV 2hours a day will lead to shortsightedness in 6months.
[教师点评]
[拼写错误] thatwatching 拼写错误，可替换选项为：that watching, that-watching, thatching
[学习提示] 易混词汇: inquiry, investigation, research, survey 均有“调查”之意。
inquiry: 普通常用词，指正式调查，也指一般的打听或查询。
investigation: 一般指有系统的调查以得到希望发现或需要知道的事。
research: 指科学工作者等为揭示自然规律或获取某个领域的新知识而进行长时间的调查研究。
survey: 多指为写书面报告而进行的民意测验或调查。[批改提示] lead to的近义表达有contribute to/conduce to/result in 。
[批改提示] prove近义表达有verify/ evidence/ confirm/ ascertain/ evince
1.10 Take mybrother for example.
[教师点评]
[拼写错误] mybrother 拼写错误，可替换选项为：my brother, my-brother, brother
1.11 Tom, a 10-year-old boy, need to wear glasses this year.
[教师点评]
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 wear...glass 在教材中出现过 764 次
SeeAlso: break glass3,bust glass3[学习提示] 易混词汇: cup, glass, mug 均可表示“杯，杯子”之意。
cup: 指有柄，用来饮茶或咖啡等的瓷杯。
glass: 指玻璃制的杯子，用来盛酒和牛奶等东西。
mug: 通常指周边垂直，不用茶托的有柄大瓷杯或大金属杯。
1.12 Although it is hard to imagine that he spends more that 3 hours on hiscartoons, I bet many kids has the same behavior as him.
[教师点评]
[拼写错误] hiscartoons 拼写错误，可替换选项为：his cartoons, his-cartoons, Huston's
[低频警示] the same behavior as him 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 bet...kid 在教材中出现过 11 次
SeeAlso: play kid128,look kid13,count kid12[搭配统计] 动名搭配 have...behavior 在教材中出现过 82 次
SeeAlso: have demeanor172,accept behavior45,take behavior39[学习提示] 易混词汇: behavior, conduct, manner 均含有“行为，举止”之意。
behavior: 普通用词，侧重指某人在特定场合对他人或在他人面前的行为、举止。
conduct: 较正式用词，泛指某人的行动。侧重根据社会道德标准和责任感。
manner: 主要用来指人的习惯行为。
1.13 Inview of the seriousness of this problem, effective measures should be taken beforethings get worse.
[教师点评]
[拼写错误] beforethings 拼写错误，可替换选项为：before things, before-things, breathings
[学习提示] 易混词汇: effective, efficient 均有“有效的”之意。
effective: 侧重产生实际的效果、效力或具有取得预期效果的能力，指人指物都适用。
efficient: 侧重指积极有效，效率高，效果好，节省精力。指人时，强调其能干、熟练的技巧。
1.14 I think teachers are supposed to encourage students to readingmore books, because reading books in a proper way will not do harm to our eyes.
[教师点评]
[拼写错误] readingmore 拼写错误，可替换选项为：reading more, reading-more, Reading
[低频警示] books in a proper way 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 encourage...student 在教材中出现过 132 次
SeeAlso: promote student107,advance student17,encourage scholar4[学习提示] 易混词汇: encourage, inspire, excite, stimulate 均表“鼓励，激励”之意。
encourage: 指提高某人情绪，增强战胜困难，实现目标的信心和勇气。
inspire: 通常指鼓起勇气，充满信心和希望。
excite: 主要指某人的言行或其它外界因素使他人变得兴奋或感情冲动，多用被动态。
stimulate: 尤指人或物因外界因素而受到刺激，使人振作起来或增强做某事的信心和勇气。[批改提示] 此句型用的太过频繁，建议改为sb. suppose/claim+从句.
此句型用的太过频繁，建议改为sb. suppose+从句或sb. claim +从句或sb. agree +从句或第一人称时替换为As far as I am concerned.
1.15 Secondly, we cannot avoid kids watching TV series or movies that concludes violence.
[教师点评]
[搭配错误] 搭配不当，建议将avoid sb改为prevent sb。
[低频警示] conclude...violence 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
[低频警示] movies that concludes violence 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
[低频警示] cannot avoid 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 avoid...kid 在教材中出现过 5 次
SeeAlso: avoid child16
1.16 Apsychologist indicates that the violent contents in the TVs are a majorityreason linked to teenager crimination.
[教师点评]
[拼写错误] majorityreason 拼写错误，可替换选项为：majority reason, majority-reason, majorities
[拼写错误] crimination 拼写错误，可替换选项为：rumination, recrimination, culmination
[低频警示] the violent contents 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
[学习提示] 易混词汇: denote, indicate 都有“表示”之意。
denote: 指用符号等表示。
indicate: 指用词语或标记表达较明确的意义。
1.17 It is not difficult for us to find someteenagers fight with others or drug in news.
[教师点评]
[拼写错误] someteenagers 拼写错误，可替换选项为：some teenagers, some-teenagers, Smetana's
[低频警示] drug in news 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
[学习提示] 易混词汇: battle, war, campaign, struggle, warfare, fight, combat, engagement 均有“战斗，战争”之意。
battle: 侧重指战争中的一次较全面、时间较长的战斗，也指陆军或海军在某一特定地区进行的战斗，或个人之间的争斗。
war: 是战争的总称，一般指包括多个战役的大规模战争。
campaign: 通常指在一场大的战争中在某一地区进行的一连串有既定目的的军事行动。也可作引申用。
struggle: 指激烈或时间持续长的战斗或奋力斗争。
warfare: 侧重指战争状态或具体的作战方法。
fight: 最普通用词，含义广，指战斗、斗争或打斗。
combat: 泛指军事行动，尤指小规模的战斗，甚至是格斗。
engagement: 指交战，交火。[批改提示] find指一般生活中的发现。注意与discover区别。详情点击
1.18 For instance, I have seen aninterview linked to one student in our community took drugs for more than 3years.
[教师点评]
[拼写错误] aninterview 拼写错误，可替换选项为：an interview, an-interview, interview
[低频警示] one student in our community 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 take...drug 在教材中出现过 3272 次
SeeAlso: have drug627,accept drug9,admit drug4[学习提示] 易混词汇: drug, medicine, medication, remedy, cure, chemical 都有“药”之意。
drug: 普通用词，含义广泛，可指任何用于预防或治疗肉体上或精神上疾病的药品。用复数形式，多指毒品。
medicine: 普通用词，可指药物的总称，也指一切有利于健康的东西。
medication: 指医生开给病人用的一切药物，从最简单的阿斯匹林到最复杂的药物。
remedy: 普通用词，侧重指对恢复健康有效的药品或治疗方法。
cure比remedy更强调使身体恢复健康的疗法或良药。:
chemical: 多指工业或化学中的药品，有时也指医药中的药品。
1.19 In the interview, he said he wanted to take drugs because of a TV seriesabout it.
[教师点评]
[名词错误] of a tv 冠词多余
[拼写错误] seriesabout 拼写错误，可替换选项为：series about, series-about, serest
[学习提示] 易混词汇: due to, owing to, because of, thanks to 均表示“由于”之意。
due to: 用于较庄重的书面语中，侧重“起因于”，在句中多作表语，有时作状语。
owing to: 可以和due to换用，但在句中多作状语，也可作表语。
because of: 着重某种原因的理由，在句中通常作状语。
thanks to: 突出一种感激之情，含“多亏”意味。[批改提示] want的近义表达有intend/tend。
1.20 He was so sorry and regret that cried in the interview.
[教师点评]
[句子错误] 本句语法不规范，请检查！
[低频警示] regret that cried 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
[批改提示] 注意cry和shout区别。
动词cry常表示(因痛楚、恐惧等)“喊叫”， “哭泣”[make loud sounds that express feelings such as pain, fear, etc; weep]；而shout却表示(一般或快乐地)“嚷”，“叫喊“[speak or cry out in a loud voice]。
1.21 As you cansee, TV has such bad influences on children.
[教师点评]
[句子错误] 本句语法不规范，请检查！
[拼写错误] cansee 拼写错误，可替换选项为：can see, can-see, canes
[低频警示] such bad influences on children 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 have...influence 在教材中出现过 3940 次
SeeAlso: take influence61,accept influence14[推荐词汇] bad在写作中使用的太泛，在某些语境下可考虑换为unfavorable/dreadful/be less impressive等。
He had formed an unfavorable opinion of my work.
他对我的工作已有了成见。
I' ve had a dreadful day everything seems to have gone wrong.
我度过了很糟糕的一天，每件事好像都出了差错。
1.22 Thus, this issue has caused wide publicconcern.
[教师点评]
[拼写错误] publicconcern 拼写错误，可替换选项为：public concern, public-concern, publicans
[学习提示] 易混词汇: accordingly, consequently, hence, so, therefore, thus 均有“因此，所以”之意。
accordingly: 书面用词，强调根据某种原因而得出的结果，其前可用冒号或分号，但不用逗号。
consequently: 正式用词，侧重符合逻辑的结果。
hence: 较正式用词，指接下来的东西是理所当然的必需的东西，但强调其重要性。
so: 用于比较随便的场合，口语中多用。
therefore: 通常指引出一个推断出的必然结论。
thus: 多用于书面语中，可与therefore换用。[批改提示] wide表示具体的宽度，广阔度，注意与widely区别。详情点击
[批改提示] cause近义表达有lead to/ result in/ bring about/ give rise to/ engender
1.23 In finalanalysis, we can draw the conclusion that TV affects us negatively both in mentallyand physically.
[教师点评]
[句子错误] 本句语法不规范，请检查！
[拼写错误] mentallyand 拼写错误，可替换选项为：mentally and, mentally-and, mentality
[拼写错误] finalanalysis 拼写错误，可替换选项为：final analysis, final-analysis, Finland's
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 draw...conclusion 在教材中出现过 2409 次
SeeAlso: draw close21,draw decision20,draw end7,draw ending5[批改提示] 注意draw和paint区别。
动词draw和paint均可表示“画”，但draw指不用彩色，而是用铅笔、钢笔、粉笔或炭精作画[make pictures with a pen, pencil, etc]；而paint却指画彩色画[make a picture of sth or sb with paint]。
1.24 We should spare no effort to endeavor in TV problem.
[教师点评]
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 spare...effort 在教材中出现过 165 次
SeeAlso: save effort52,spare travail4,spare campaign4,spare attempt3[学习提示] 易混词汇: effort, trouble, pains, endeavour, struggle 均表示“努力”之意。
effort: 通常指完成某特定任务所需付出的或大或小的努力，可指一次的努力，也可指坚持不懈的努力。
trouble: 和pains均侧重在面临困难或阻力时所作的努力。
pains: 强调在努力时的细心和谨慎，pains比trouble更适合表示尽力的努力。
endeavour: 指持久的，坚持不懈的，甚至是终身的努力，强调努力的认真与决心。
struggle: 指为克服困难或阻力所作的努力，也指因决心、意志或干劲而产生的极大努力。[高分句型] Spare no effort to意思是不遗余力...，是四六级经典句型。
We should spare no effort to beautify our environment.
我们应该不遗余力的美化我们的环境。
1.25 Considering the common phenomenon, I strongly agreethat TV brings us some negative effects.
[教师点评]
[句子错误] 本句语法不规范，请检查！
[拼写错误] agreethat 拼写错误，可替换选项为：agree that, agree-that, Agretha
[低频警示] considering the common phenomenon 在语料库中无此用法，疑似中式英语
[搭配统计] 动名搭配 consider...phenomenon 在教材中出现过 10 次
SeeAlso: study phenomenon157,see phenomenon98,take phenomenon23,view phenomenon19,regard phenomenon12,believe phenomenon3,think phenomenon3[学习提示] 易混词汇: common, ordinary, commonplace, general, usual, popular, universal 均含有“普通的，普遍的”之意。
common: 多用于指物，侧重很常见，不稀奇。
ordinary: 用于物，指每天发生，十分平淡无奇；用于人，指无特别之处，很一般。
commonplace: 强调缺少新意。
general: 语气强于common，侧重大多如此，很少有例外情况。
usual: 指常见常闻和常做的事或举动，强调惯常性。
popular: 指适应大众爱好、需要，为大家所公认或接受。
universal: 与general同义，但语气较强，侧重对每个人或事物都适用，根本没有例外。满意请采纳，希望对你有帮助，并祝你学习进步，(*^__^*)
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