Question

请英语大神帮忙看一下有没有语法错误，谢谢！

As is portrayed in the first picture, a young man is a fan of Beckham,who witted Beckham’s name on his face to show his love to Beckham. What’s more,some people even cost 300 Yuan to have a same heir with their idol. Those thought-provoking photos should arouse deep concern in our current society.
What are the reasons behind the trend? Some individuals point out that they see their idol as a hero which they should learn for. Now something similarly could happen in schoolboys. In a study that will appear in Journal of Society,the find that 67.6% of those surveyed said that: as a fans they always perches something about their idols. Over half of this students cost at least 300 Yuan a month to buy CD, T-shirt which have their idol’s name or photo on it and soon.
Hence, it is vital for us to take some effective actions. On the one hand, we should appeal to our governments and schools to educate citizens and children do not obsession idols. On the other hand, we should cultivate people’s sense that too much imitate idols will bring more harm than benefit.

Answer 1

第一段最后一句，发型是hair，没记错的话heir是子嗣的意思
第二段第二句，学习效仿是learn from不是learn for
还有这句看上去怪怪的
In a study that will appear in Journal of Society,the find that 67.6% of those surveyed said that: as a fans they always perches something about their idols.建议你把主句的will去掉

我也不算什么英语大神，建议先检查下我说的对不对再修改，还有建议LZ你阐述理由的时候可以用些别的词汇，最后一段里面有两个on the other hand，你大可以换些词比如besides，in addition，furthermore，moreover之类的，显得自己词汇量丰富

Answer 2

给我看题目

Answer 3

太长了，很难一下子回答

Answer 4

洒家看不懂...