Question

托福作文求高手指点！！

还有半个月考托福，求高手指点！！！下面是见天写的一片作文。

TOPIC:
University Education is the most important factor of success in life

Whearas others think ridiculous, I believe that university eduction has little with the accomplishment and success in one’s life, though usually, teachers and parents always insist that only enter an famous and excellent college can one student able to get extrodenary sccess in the future. The reasons support my idea go as follows.

First, in the competitive society, it is obvious that it is impossible for every student to find a job completely relates the major he or she learned in college,. Therefore, after graduation, whether a person can achieve the success in the new field depends on the ablity of adapting, confidence, determination—some characters inherent in one person--- rather than the knowledge or experience learned in the college. Although somebody might consider that the experience in collge is the process of improvement,namely, is the stage for students to form some qualities that can lead to success while virtually, in most cases, the college education is not the major factor of one’s character formation.

Furthermore, no experiend people will deny that the ability is the major facter of getting recognization, prase or respect in work. Nomatter how excellent job a student did in the university, he or she stiil can not succeed in worl if he or she cannot express his or her idea or cannot let others understand even agree with his or her oppinion. In daily life it is common that some students did not attend every class in university, instead, they prefer to work early. The interest and hard work also result in suceess. All of stories of the great inventor Edison, the lengend of computer bussiness--Bill Gates and the founder of Apple Jabos can prove this idea.

Moreover, university education lack enouggh instruction for difficulties. university study is a early stage of people’s lives and thereafter, the future is unkown and difficulties and luck both might come to his or her. How he or she dispose with these uncommon but significant events which might not happen in the university will change the life trace. Only a person experienced a lot can he or she withstand the difficulties. On the other hand. The education in university, which is more focuses on the knowledge of a certain subject is not egough.

Although university is very important in one’s life and can prove a peorson, it is definitely not the major factor in one’s life. The experience after graduation is a better teacher as only that contains many challenges and diffioulties that can practise one’s real ability of survival and development.

Answer 1

可对比看一下，总体写的非常不错，第2，4段的例子举得不够具体，结尾最好再重诉一下之前的观点，其中用的he or she\his or her 太多，想一下可不可以用其他代替，people，students，citizen等。祝贺你，是一篇成功的文章

Whereas others think ridiculous, I believe that university education has little with the accomplishment and success in one’s life, though usually, teachers and parents always insist that only enter an famous and excellent college can one student able to get extraordinary success in the future. The reasons support my idea goes as follows.

First, in the competitive society, it is obvious that it is impossible for every student to find a job completely relates the major he or she learned in college. Therefore, after graduation, whether a person can achieve the success in the new field depends on the ability of adapting, confidence, determination—some characters inherent in one person--- rather than the knowledge or experience learned in the college. Although somebody might consider that the experience in college is the process of improvement, namely, is the stage for students to form some qualities that can lead to success while virtually, in most cases, the college education is not the major factor of one’s character formation.

Furthermore, no experienced people will deny that the ability is the major factor of getting reorganization, praise or respect in work. No matter how excellent job a student did in the university, he or she still cannot succeed in world if he or she cannot express his or her idea or cannot let others understand even agree with his or her opinion. In daily life it is common that some students did not attend every class in university, instead, they prefer to work early. The interest and hard work also result in success. All of stories of the great inventor Edison, the legend of computer business--Bill Gates and the founder of Apple Jabos can prove this idea.

Moreover, university education lacks enough instruction for difficulties. University study is an early stage of people’s lives and thereafter, the future is unknown and difficulties and luck both might come to his or her. How he or she dispose with these uncommon but significant events which might not happen in the university will change the life trace. Only a person experienced a lot can he or she withstand the difficulties. On the other hand, his education in university, which is more focuses on the knowledge of a certain subject, is not enough.

Although university is very important in one’s life and can prove a person, it is definitely not the major factor in one’s life. The experience after graduation is a better teacher as only that contains many challenges and difficulties that can practice one’s real ability of survival and development.