Question

英语作文改错

My favorite room is my lovely bedroom, because…
Firstly, I love pink and my mother print my bedroom pink. So I love my lovely bedroom.
Secondly, my bedroom was design by my mother and my bedroom looks like princess’s room.
Thirdly, I have my bedroom four years, I have a deep love for it. In spring, summer, autumn, winter, I stay at there. However I’m sad, happy, blue, hopeless, I sleep in my princess’s bed. So I love everything in my bedroom.
Finally, I think I can do anything what I want to do. I can dance, sing songs, shout, sleep, surf the Internet, watch TV, talk with my friends in the phone, read books and so on. I think my bedroom can give me freedom.
I love my bedroom, I love my personal place, I love my free place.

Answer 1

My favorite room is my lovely bedroom, because…
Firstly, I love pink and my mother print my bedroom pink(刷油漆，用paint或者brush更好些).So I love my lovely bedroom.
Secondly, my bedroom was design(用designed，屋子是被设计的） by my mother and my bedroom looks like princess’s room（room是可数名词，单数，前面加定冠词a）.
Thirdly, I have my bedroom four years（表示已经用四年了，持续的动作，I have my bedroom for four years), I have a deep love for it. In spring, summer, autumn, winter,(并列名词，最后用and 连接，autumn and winter） I stay at there（there和here之前不加at，in之类，本身就带有方向性，I stay here）. However I’m sad, happy, blue, hopeless, （不管我是悲伤、高兴、忧郁还是无助，对吧？blue or hopeless，最好这些形容词成对出现，一个积极的，一个消极的）I sleep in my princess’s bed. So I love everything in my bedroom.
Finally, I think I can do anything what（anything做宾语的宾语从句，后面一定是that，anything that） I want to do. I can dance, sing songs, shout, sleep, surf the Internet, watch TV, talk with my friends in the phone（on the phone）, read books and so on. I think my bedroom can give me freedom.
I love my bedroom, I love my personal place, I love my free place.

————————————HLL的分割线————————————————
1.如果从句用不好，多用简单句式。
2.要言之有物，写一写在屋子里面发生的事情；当你忧伤的时候，你会在房间里面听听音乐；当你疲惫的时候，你会在房间里面好好休息；当你有什么委屈的时候，你可能会闷头大哭一场；当你写作业写到很晚的时候，还有你的小屋陪着，温馨而快乐。

Answer 2

Firstly, I love pink and my mother print my bedroom pink. So I love my lovely bedroom.
Secondly, my bedroom was designed by my mother and my bedroom looked like princess’s room.
Thirdly, I keep stay with my bedroom four years and I have a deeply love for it. In spring, summer, autumn, winter, I stay there. How I’m sad, happy, blue, hopeless, I sleep in my princess’s bed. So I love everything in my bedroom.
Finally, I think I can do anything what I want to do. I can dance, sing songs, shout, sleep, surf at the Internet, watch TV, talk with my friends on the phone, read books and so on. I think my bedroom can give me freedom.
I love my bedroom, I love my personal place, I love my free place.

Answer 3

Secondly, my bedroom was design by my mother and my bedroom looks like princess’s room.
designed 要用被动态
the princess’s room. 加冠词

Thirdly, I have my bedroom four years
这个语法上有点怪，用完成时好一点：Thirdly, I have stayed in my bedroom for four years

I have a deep love for it
这话好像用得不太地道：I love it deeply

I stay at there
at不用,here ,there前都不加介词

However I’m sad, happy, blue, hopeless, I sleep in my princess’s bed.
楼主应该是想说无论我快乐伤感吧，用错了,另情感的词一一对应会比较好：whether
I’m sad or happy, Joyful or hopeless，I sleep in my princess’s bed.

talk with my friends in the phone
介词用0n
on the phone...是指打电话这个动作...
例如: I am on the phone with my friend.(我正在和朋友打电话)
而in the phone则是强调在电话里的对话内容...
例如: She told me something in the phone. (她在电话里告诉我一些事情)

Finally, I think I can do anything what I want to do
what不对，用which或that,这是定语从句

I love my bedroom, I love my personal place, I love my free place
逗号全变成句号或者分号。逗号不能连接两个句子

Answer 4

(First), I love pink and my mother print my bedroom pink. So I love my lovely bedroom.
(Second), my bedroom was design by my mother and my bedroom looks like princess’s room.
(Third), I have my bedroom four years, I have a deep love for it. In spring, summer, autumn, winter, I stay at there. However I’m sad, happy, blue, hopeless, I sleep in my princess’s bed. So I love everything in my bedroom.
Finally, I think I can do anything what I want to do. I can dance, sing songs, shout, sleep, surf the Internet, watch TV, talk with my friends in the phone, read books and so on. I think my bedroom can give me freedom.
I love my bedroom, I love my personal place, I love my free place.