Question

帮我改一下这个雅思小作文是剑5 test1的小作文

The graph illustrated changes in the proportion of the population aged 65 and over form 1940 to 2040 in Japan Sweden and USA （这三个城市前介词in用的对么？有更好的表达么？）

In 1940,JAPAN was the least in amount of population aged over 65,which was 5%. While the American population was the most proportion,which was double of Japanese about 9%，furthermore，Swiss population was 7% in between.

During 100-year period,proportion of Swiss and American had a upward trend,which increased to 25% and 27% respectively.but there was a slight falling （是用falling还是decline）of Swiss population in 2010 and 2030.

However,the proportion of Japanese population witnessed a downward trend form 1940 to 1990,which reached the least point about 3%, after that, we can see a highly upward trend form 1990 that increased to 27% in 2040,furthermore, it was overtaking Swiss and American in 2030.

Overall,the graph shows the proportion of three country’s population aged over 65 increased dramatically in 100 years.

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Answer 1

The graph illustrates changes in the proportion of the population aged 65 and over form 1940 to 2040 in Japan, Sweden, and USA. （介词in用的没错，但要加上逗号。）

In 1940,JAPAN was the least in amount of population aged over 65,which was 5%. While the American population was the most proportion,which was double of Japanese about 9%，furthermore，Swiss population was 7% in between.
---In 1940, Japan was the one which has the least amount of population aged 65 and over(5%), while America consists of the largest proportion, which amounts to 9%, doubling that of Japan.

During 100-year period,proportion of Swiss and American had a upward trend,which increased to 25% and 27% respectively.but there was a slight decline in the number of Swiss population from 2010 to 2030.

However,the proportion of Japanese population witnessed a downward trend from 1940 to 1990,which reached the bottom (about 3%), after which, we can see a highly upward trend that the population increased to 27% in 2040.Furthermore, it even overtook Swiss and America in 2030.

Overall,the graph shows the proportion of three country’s population aged 65 and over has increased dramatically in 100 years.

Answer 2

小错误太多。逻辑混乱。