Question

修改英语作文！ielts

题目是：many buildings are appearing in large numbers ,some people believe that we should build our buildings in traditional styles.to what extent do you agree or disagree

Nowdays ,a wide various of morden buildings have appeared significantly and instand of numerous famous ancient buildings .some people think that engineers should construct the achitecture in a traditional way ,this arguments may be true .in different countries ,ancient buildings and the taditional architecture styles are the symbol to reveal their countries’culture and custom .such as the pyramids for the mystery of ancient Egyptian.

Also,those mysterious architectures will be announced on the television or broadcast .as a result of it ,numerous tourisms would like to have a travel there.so they can communicate information with located people .furthermore substantial travlings will improved local arears’ economy dramatically . importantly,if real-estate company composed demolishing some old house where the elderly people lived,maybe it is a tensive situation between them ,which will make society chaotic.

On the other hand ,there are various aspects against these arguments .comparing with traditional building ,moden one is more simplicity and practicality .we also enjoy the morden atmosphere comfortably in some morden hotels .moreover,since innovation is a spirit for a city and nations ,so designer not only select the moden structure meterials ,but also shift the building style.

In addition ,just like BA london Eye structure among many ancient buildings ,such as the Big Ben and Parliament House,also is a fascinating structural styles.Maybe it will attract more tourisms to have a trip there.

In conclusion ,no matter what kinds of structures which could bring lots of advantages for us .Furthermore ,government has a responsibility to keep a balance between new and old ,also architecture would better to assumulate the essense in ancient structure styles.
1.怎么写才能到6.0或者6.5？？举例说下！
2.我的观点怎么样？有没有跑题的嫌疑，要是你们，观点是什么样的？

Answer 1

我考过两次雅思，作文第一次7.5，第二次7。你这个作文问题挺多的，语法就有不少毛病，软件翻译的？结构也不合理，还跑题，题目是是否应该按照传统模式建房子，你写的更多是古代建筑的好处和缺点。

先说结构吧。你赞成传统建筑模式的观点，就应该用大量篇幅写你为什么赞成。中间三段应该是前两段写传统建筑模式的优点，第三段写传统建筑模式的一些不足。

开头写得不好。我觉得还是应套用模板开头。
The issue whether we should build our buildings in traditional styles is a complex and controversial one. Some people believe that..., while other people assert that.... As far as I am concerned, I agree with the former/latter opinion. （两个省略号处分别写两种观点）

这段内容还行，但语法太差了。你说了埃及古金字塔的好处，最后还要拐到要求的话题上，说出按古建筑模式建房子对现代经济的影响，即括号中这句。
It is indisputable that the traditional architecture style and ancient buildings are a civilized symbol for the country .Take Egypt for example,the pyramid is a mystery and precious treasure, symbolizing the witness of ancient Egyptians. In addition ,traditional building structure is not only a symbol but also a platform , on which tourists and local people can communicate with each other. (So, if we build our buidings in traditional styles, more tourists will be attracted to our country, which will greatly increase foreign currency and improve local economy. )

接下来一段应继续写传统建筑模式的好处，但可以不用像上面一段那么多。可以写很多人喜欢传统建筑的风格，那些建筑看起来赏心悦目，建造更多传统建筑物能提高居民的满意度什么的。楼主自己写写这段吧，当然也可以写传统建筑其他方面的好处。

这一段该写缺点了。缺点不宜写太多，不然岂不是否定自己的观点了？
On the other hand ,however, some traditional buildings are not tall enough to accommodate many residents as modern skyscrapers are. some people believe that if residents live in morden tall buildings , they can breath fresh air as well as enjoy the comfortable atmosphere .Moreover, it is better to select steel rather than stone to build our buildings for the reason that steel materials can bear a heavier weight of floors and walls.

总算到结尾了。。。。
In conclusion, though traditionally-built architecture has some disadvantages, it plays a great role to reveal local culture and ancient civilization. And I believe that the advantage is well worth the shortage. So we should build our buildings in traditional styles.

楼主这篇作文啊。。。除了字数多，其他真是乱七八糟啊。。。当然我写的也不完美，大家批判着看。

Answer 2

题目是：many buildings are appearing in large numbers ,some people believe that we should build our buildings in traditional styles. to what extent do you agree or disagree

Nowadays ,a wide various of modern buildings have appeared significantly and instant of numerous famous ancient buildings .some people think that engineers should construct the architecture in a traditional way ,this arguments may be true .in different countries ,ancient buildings and the traditional architecture styles are the symbol to reveal their countries’ culture and custom .such as the pyramids for the mystery of ancient Egyptian.

Also, those mysterious architectures will be announced on the television or broadcast .as a result of it ,numerous tourisms would like to have a travel (tour) there. so they can communicate information with located (local) people .furthermore substantial traveling will improved local area’s’ economy dramatically . Importantly, if real estate company composed demolishing some old house where the elderly people lived, maybe it is a tensive situation between them ,which will make society chaotic.

On the other hand ,there are various aspects against these arguments .comparing with traditional building ,modern one is more simplicity (simple) and practicality (practical) .we also enjoy the modern atmosphere comfortably in some modern hotels .moreover, since innovation is a spirit for a city and nations ,so designer not only select the modern structure materials ,but also shift the building style.

In addition ,just like BA London Eye structure among many ancient buildings ,such as the Big Ben and Parliament House, also is a fascinating structural style. Maybe it will attract more tourists to have a trip there.

In conclusion ,no matter what kinds of structures which could bring lots of advantages for us .Furthermore ,government has a responsibility to keep a balance between new and old ,also architecture would better to accumulate the essence in ancient structure styles.

已在原文中做了修改，分数5.5
(北京启德雅思Kiya老师修改）

Answer 3

帮你修改了错句，文章如下：
Now, all kinds of modern architecture marked the emergence of a number of well-known place of the old buildings. Some people think that engineers should be through the traditional way of building a building, this argument may be true. In different countries, ancient architecture and traditional architectural style is a symbol of the country to show their national culture and customs. If the mystery of Egypt's pyramids.

In addition, those mysterious buildings will be broadcast on television or published. As a result, many people have wanted to go there first. So that they can communicate with local residents access to information. In addition, tourism can speed up local economic development, to make it more eye-catching. More importantly, if the real estate companies dismantled a number of old people living in the house, the community may find confusion.

On the other hand, there are various different points of view. Compared with traditional architecture, modern architectural design simpler and more practical. We also enjoy some of the modern hotel-the-art equipment and comfortable environment. In addition, because of the spirit of innovation is a driving force for the city and state, the designers chose to not only the structure of modern materials, but also changes in architectural style.

In addition, the BA London Eye is like the structure and a number of old buildings, such as Big Ben and Parliament buildings, but also charming and design of the structure. It is likely to attract more people travel to visit.

In short, no matter what kind of structures can give us inspiration. In addition, the Government has the responsibility to maintain the balance between new and old, have to make better use of the structure of the ancient style of the essence.

Answer 4

路过。。如果是我老师给的，你的观点或许需要更加明确点。

Answer 5

改作文是要给钱的