Question

雅思作文~ 麻烦大家帮我看一下 这篇作文这样写跑没跑题？ 求指点 谢谢~

题目：.Many people say that we have developed into a “throw-away society”, because we are filling up our environment with so many plastic bags and rubbish that we cannot fully dispose of. To want degree do you agree with this opinion?

The advancement of our living conditon is accompaned by severe pollution of our evironment. In term of the disposal of the garbage we generate currently, I hold a positive attitude, even though there are still some problems we cannot handle.

I have to admit that we are generating rubbish every day and even every single minute. In the fast-pasced world, everyting is designed for the sake of "convenience". Processed food packed in cans and bottle can be seen in supermarkets. Those processed food enable people to store them and take them out to eat when necessary. However, the disposal of the cans or other packages may be difficult, as they can neither be degregated nor be reused.

Despite the existing indisposible problems, many measures have been done and the effects are remarkable. Government have given priority to educating people on protecting the evironment and how to protect the evironment. Non-profit advertisements can always be seen on the television which has exerted a subtle influnce on human's behavior. Also, in recent years, supermarkets and big shopping malls in our country charge for plastic bags.As a result, majorty of people prepare bags or baskets themselves when going shopping. In addition,plenty of advanced technology has been used into manufacturing.

In conclusion, every body is making an effort to enhence our evionment and the prospect is optimistic,. This, it is unfair to say we are living in a "throw-away".-societyI believe the rubbish will be disposed someday in the future.

Answer 1

整体上写的还不错。个人给点小建议吧，先分析题目：关键词‘throw-away’ society，undisposed rubbishes，注意问的是what degree do you agree，根据你文章来看是不同意，所以introduction要写明不同意此观点，仅仅一句’I hold a positive attitude‘似乎力度不够，亦不十分明确。
第二段你以’for the sake of convenience‘为理由讨论了rubbishes的产生，可多加一句乱丢垃圾的影响，比如环境污染，资源浪费，有损市容等。另外可以的话多加一个论据或给个具体的example，如人们环保意识不足，政府垃圾回收工作不到位等等。
后面一段你谈的是解决办法，第一句话为什么要用‘despite’，不是应该是针对（regarding，facing to）这些问题才有的解决办法吗？举的例子挺丰富，如有更具体化的实例会更有说服力。
最后几点建议是句子之间可多加些连接词，nevertheless，aside from that，moreover，meanwhile，thus it can be seen····等加强连贯逻辑性；而且最好不要出现第一人称即 I，我知道很多范文里说可以用，但国外写论文是不能用的，最好语言考试时就养成习惯，比较academic；一些小的语法或单词问题：倒数第二段最后一句：plenty of advanced technologies是复数；还有最后一段第一句，every body可替换individuals之类的；少用这种‘In the fast-paced world’开头，太模板了
写的是可以的，继续努力吧！：）

Answer 2

不会比划比划比划比划比划比划

Answer 3

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